Miss Nightfall's Insane Ramblings

The Writer

*Miss Nightfall sits in her white plastic chair, playing with the black fan Erika-chan brought her from China. She glances about the room and sighs. Xelloss, who is laying on her bed, looks up*

Xelloss: What?

Miss N: *heartfelt sigh*

Xelloss: What?

Miss N: Oh, the ANGST of it all! *throws an arm dramatically over her forehead*

Xelloss: Drama Queen. ^_^

Miss N: .... Yes.

Xelloss: So... what?

Miss N; Nothing. Just... bored I guess.

Xelloss: Again?

Miss N: *snaps at him* Yes, AGAIN! I need something to do.

Xelloss: You COULD work on some of your fics you know.

Miss N: The muse has left the building, Xel.

Xelloss: *rolls onto the floor and jumps up. Solemnly he touches his heart* Love me... *grabs his crotch* tender. *touches his right shoulder* Love me... *touches his left shoulder* true.

Miss N: *stares*

Xelloss: *still solemn* Uh-huh. *grins* It's the holy blessing cross of Elvis!

Miss N: *whaps him absently with the fan and turns her stereo up* I need better company than YOU...

Xelloss: So invite someone over.

Miss N: Hmm, but who?

Xelloss: Now that we rule the world and all that we can kidnap whomever we like.

Miss N: Oh yeah, forgot about our world domination. Hmmm. *wanders over to the closet and takes out her athame, a strip of white cloth, some rain water and a package of glow-in-the-dark stars.*

Xelloss: This outta be good...

Miss N: *grinning foolishly* Heh. *scatters the stars in a roughly circular pattern on the rug and starts sprinkling them with the rain water* By the power of the infinite heavens I call one to me! *tosses the white strip of fabric into the circle*

Xelloss: What was that?

Miss N: Bit of a straightjacket. Lina X brought it home.

Xelloss: Not surprising.

Miss N: Powers of Chaos and Insanity! Send me one who can make me less bored!

Xelloss: *smiling* Oh yeah, fancy incantation....

Miss N: Quiet you. *stabs the fabric with her athame. Suddenly a loud crack of thunder is heard and lightning strikes the rug, leaving no fire but rather a short female figure standing in the middle of the glow stars*

Figure: Whu--

Miss N: *peers* Interesting. I always summon females.

Xelloss: I'm not complaining.

Miss N: *drawing herself up to her full height, which isn't much* I am the Yami no Miko! Who are you that the heavens deem you worthy of being sent to me?

Figure: *also standing tall, taller than Miss N* I am THE WRITER!

Miss N: The Writer, huh? *thinks for a moment* Hey, I know you! You're from the Wayside Slayers Inn!(subliminal message: visit today!)

Writer: That's right, now who are-- Oh! Miss Nightfall! I know you! Cool! (begins to jump up and down excitedly) I FINALLY get to meet Nightfall-chan!!!

Miss N: Umm...

Writer: *stops jumping to peer around Miss N.* OOH! IT'S XELLOS-SAMA!!! *bowls Miss N over in her haste to get to Xelloss, whose arms she immediately jumps into.*

Xelloss: Well, hello! You're an excited one, aren't you?

Writer: (not really listening) You're even cuter in person... *giggles*

Miss N: Um, excuse me...

Xelloss: (to Writer) That little bouncing routine of yours before was fun to watch...

Miss N: Are EITHER of you listening to me?

Writer: Oops! Sorry! I got distracted, Nightfall-chan. (reluctantly gets out of Xelloss' arms) So, why exactly am I here?

Miss N: I was bored.

Writer: Wow, me too. The coolest stuff always happens when I'm bored. (subliminal message: read Pointless Adventure # 1: Boredom!)

Miss N: Dammit! Quit plugging your site in MY Rambling!

Writer: Sorry. But I need more visitors! *starts to cry* I GET SO LONELY!

Miss N: Umm...

Xelloss: She's strange...

Writer: *changing moods suddenly* HEY! I just realised something! You have a bishounen harem, don't you, Nightfall?

Miss N: Well, yeah...

Writer: *wicked grin* THIS I have to see...

Miss N: The boys are roaming the house now. Lina X's harem too. I figured they could use a little exercise, ya know?

Writer: Oh, definitely! A healthy bish is a happy bish.

Miss N: Would you like a drink? Iced tea, perhaps? *claps her hands together twice and looks snotty. The door nudges open and a well-dressed little bish enters, balancing a tray with iced tea on one hand*

Yurimaru: Here you go.

Miss N: Thank you. *takes a glass*

Yurimaru: *to the Writer* Miss?

Writer: Oh, uh, thanks! *takes the glass*

Miss N: *snootily* You are dismissed, Yu. But bring in some Oreos or something for me and my guest.

Yurimaru: Of course, MADAM. *rolls his eyes* Although I don't know if you want to eat any more of those. Been looking a little thicker than usual through the middle lately if you know what I mean....

Miss N: *spews her drink* WHAT?!!! Bitch!!

Yu: *sniffs* Moron.

Miss N: Whore!

Yu: Oh sure, rub THAT in...

Writer: *turns to Xelloss* Do they do this often?

Xelloss: Very. It's funny. ^_^

*over the sound of Miss N and Yurimaru bitch-fighting there is the distinctive sound of glass breaking*

Miss N: What was that?

Yu: Those idiots had better not be messing up my kitchen!

Writer: To the kitchen!

*Miss Nightfall, the Writer, and Xelloss head for the kitchen, where the sounds of breaking things and lots of cursing are coming from.*

Miss N: What the hell is going on here?!

*In the kitchen, a dozen or so pretty boys stand in a rough circle around--*

Miss N: Move it, boys!

Writer: Yeah! Us poor short people need to see!

*The bish part to reveal Zelgadis and Touga in an extremely dramatic and picturesque stand-off. There's even "duel-to-the-death" orchestra music playing in the background.*

Miss N: What the hell is going on here, I repeat?!

*Zel and Touga glance her way, then go back to glaring daggers at each other. Nobody answers.*

Writer: (to Xelloss) Not very responsive, are they?

Xelloss: *shrug*

Miss N: I want some answers, pronto, or you all get to spend the night with Xelloss!

*Xelloss smirks suggestively at each of them and pulls out his favourite pair of handcuffs.*

Writer: Hey, I have a pair just like that...

Zel: (to Miss N) It's all HIS fault! *points at Touga*

Miss N: What did he do that would inspire you to duke it out in MY KITCHEN?!

Zel: *outraged* I was just minding my own business, digging in the fridge, when THAT hentai came up behind me and pinched MY ASS!!!

Writer: Well, can you blame him?

Zel: What!?! Who the hell are you?!

*The Writer finally loses her admittedly small amount of self-control and rushes forward to leap into Zel's arms.*

Writer: *snuggling Zel* You are sooo cute. Hee hee. Is it true what they say about you, Zel-chan?

Zel: Huh?

Writer: *giggling* You know... Always hard?

Miss N: Sheesh. She's a little--

Xelloss: Horny?

Miss N: I was gonna say nuts, but I think you're right.

Writer: *GIGGLE!*

Zel: *BLUSH!*

Miss N: Zel, guys, this is the Writer! Say hello.

Guys: *mutter in unison* Hello.

Writer: *hops out of Zel's arms* You know, I think this is by far the most appetising kitchen I've ever been in…

Marron: *obviously not getting it* Why? There's hardly any food...

Touga: *rolls his eyes, somehow doing it SUAVELY dammit!* I think the lovely lady was referring to US. *takes the Writer's hand and kisses it* A pleasure to meet you, miss.

Writer: Oh... my...

Miss N: *sighs* He does have that effect.

*Xelloss, meanwhile, is attempting to clap the handcuffs on somebody*

Miss N: So! How are we all today, eh boys?

Hotohori: Devastatingly beautiful.

Nuriko: *sighs in agreement*

Miss N: Writer-san? Did you want something to eat while we're in here? Writer-san? *looks and sees Touga doing things to the Writer's hand that one would not have thought possible with only a tongue...* GYAHH!!

Yu: *hands Miss N a spatula*

Miss N: Thank you. GYAHH! *whaps Touga with it. He of course remains looking suave*

Writer: *looks at her hand* I think I need a towel...

Yu: *hands her a paper towel, looking extremely bored the whole time*

Miss N: How many times must I tell you, Touga? No slobbering on the guests!

Zel: She needs a rolled-up newspaper to smack him with.

Marron: *snicker*

Writer: I feel like a kid in a candy-store! *skips amongst the bishounen, coming suddenly to a screeching halt* What is THAT?! *points*

Miss N: *looks* Huh? Oh, that's Yang.

Writer: Uh, he's not exactly bishy...

*the boy in question is short, blonde, with a bog ol' honkin' nose and hideous thick-framed glasses. He's got what appears to be a lab coat on and is currently hunched over a laptop*

Miss N: *smiles* I know. He's from Macross Plus and I felt so sorry for him I put him in my harem!

Writer: I see. *glomps onto Marron's arm* Hi!

Marron: *looks at this strange new growth on his limb* Hello.

*The Writer looks up at Marron and bats her eyelashes cutely.*

Writer: My, but you're gorgeous. *giggles*

Marron: *nervously* Umm...

Zel: *grumbles something unintelligible*

Xelloss: *from behind him* What was that, Zelly-chan? Something about being chopped liver?

Zel: Shut up.

Miss N: Uh, Writer-san?

Writer: *dreamily* Hmm...?

Miss N: Um, not to be rude, but you're drooling all over my Sorcerer Hunter.

Writer: *wipes away the drool* Oops! Sorry. It's just that he's so gosh darned yummy looking!

Marron: *laughs uncomfortably and tries unsuccessfully to reclaim his arm.*

Xelloss: You have a point! ^_^

*The Writer glances over at Xelloss, then at Zel, then over to Touga (who smiles SUAVELY, of course). Finally she looks back at Marron, her face perplexed.*

Writer: (dizzily) Too...many...bishounen...senses overloading...pretty boys...yummy...

*The Writer succumbs to bishounen overload and passes out (luckily, Marron is nice enough to catch her before she dents the floor).*

Miss N: Hmm. That's not good.

Xelloss: Speak for yourself! (grins evilly) I think the question now is, what shall we do while she's unconscious?

Miss N: Pervert.

Xelloss: Of course! Now, where did I drop my handcuffs...?

Touga: Handcuffs? *smiles* Kinky...

Miss N: This is a new low for us, Xel. Doing things to my poor guests while they aren't even awake!

Marron: I think we should try to wake her up.

Touga: *sexy chuckle* You're no fun at all. I say we put her to bed first.

Miss N: And whose bed would THAT be, Touga?

Touga: *looking all innocent* Why, mine of course!

Miss N: Nuh-uh, no way. Not while she's knocked out! You could do horrible, erotic things to her...

Xelloss: ^_^

Miss N: ... and she wouldn't be awake to enjoy it! She'd never forgive me! Pass me some smelling salts.

Yu: You don't keep smelling salts in the house.

Miss N: I don't? Oh. I think I should. Very well, pass me that moccasin.

Yu: *does so, making a face* Are you sure? Aren't these your mothers?

Miss N: Yes.

Zel: *wrinkles his nose* Ugh, they stink.

Miss N: Mom sweats from her feet, okay? *passes the moccasin under the Writer's nose* This'll either wake her up or kill her.

Zel: Probably the latter...

Writer: GACK! *sits upright and pushes the moccasin away FAST*

*The Writer sits up and looks around in confusion.*

Writer: Huh--? Wha--? Oh. I'm still here! It wasn't all a weird dream!

Miss N: You okay, Writer-san?

Writer: I THINK so. Any faint you can walk away from, that's what I always say...

Xelloss: So, this happens to you often? *gets evil ideas*

*The Writer reaches up and slaps him.*

Writer: I know what you're thinking, you hentai!

Xelloss: *grinning* Ooh, do that again!

Writer: *scathingly* Bite me!

Xelloss: *shrug* Okay!

Miss N: Don't even think it, Xelloss!

Xelloss: Damn! You're such a spoilsport!

Miss N: You know the rules. No biting the guests.

Touga: Since when was THAT a rule?

Miss N: Since NOW. So there. (to Writer) Maybe you should lay off the bish for a while?

Writer: Oh, no! They're just too pretty to leave! Can't I just hang onto ONE?

Miss N: Well, if you can choose...

*The Writer looks around desperately. Finally...*

Writer: Aw, hell, I'm not fooling anyone, am I? Xelloss is still my favourite...

Xelloss: YES!

Touga: DARN!

Zel: THANK GODS!

Miss N: Oy...

Marron: *phew*

Xelloss: *poses* Damn, I AM sexy, aren't I?

Miss N: Texas-style ego there, Xel...

Writer: *hops into Xelloss' arms and snuggles him*

Xelloss: *sticks his tongue out at Miss N* Aren't you offended your harem is prettier than you are?

Miss N: NANI?!!!

Yang: *looks up*

Touga: Obviously he's not referring to YOU...

Yang: *goes back to typing, muttering something under his breath*

Zel: Oh crap, he ticked her off again....

Yu: *blanches* In my kitchen... oh no....

Writer: That wasn't very nice, Xel.

Miss N: *takes a deep breath and calms herself* There, was that tasty for you, Xelloss?

Xelloss: Quite. ^_^

Miss N: *haughty* And I'm happy with my looks so THERE.

Touga: As you should be, you lovely young thing... *moves in for the kill*

Writer: *whaps him with the spatula Yu puts in her hands* Knock it off.

Touga: *somehow manages to not look like a dumbass*

Zel: *to Marron* I hate how he pulls that off...

Xelloss: *wiggles his eyebrows at the Writer* What say we borrow Miss N's bed for a while...

Miss N: GACK! NO!

Writer: (with a modest blush and shining eyes) *GIGGLE!* Well...

Miss N: NO! NOT ON MY BED! I JUST GOT NEW SHEETS!!!

Xelloss: (not listening to Miss N) You know, she just got new sheets...

Zel: I think I am going to be sick...

Touga: There's always MY bed...

Miss N: I am surrounded by perverts...

Writer: Yeah. You're SO lucky, Nightfall-chan. I wish I had a bishounen harem... (deep sigh)

Xelloss: *snuggling her, ahem, chest* I'm always here for you, Writer-sama.

Writer: (giggle) I LIKE you...^_^

Miss N: *sighs* Everyone does. If only I'd known how horny you were...

Xelloss: Hey, again, I'M not complaining!

Miss N: And besides, I'm hardly even IN this Rambling! The Writer is stealing my show! *Glances over to find the Writer is gone (along with Xelloss--AND Touga...)*

Miss N: Oh, NO! Zel, did you see where they went?

Zel: I think they were heading for YOUR room...

Miss N: ARGH! MY POOR BEDSHEETS! THEY MUST BE STOPPED!

*Miss N rushes out of the kitchen, a determined look on her face.*

Miss N: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, messes with MY sheets! If they're THAT desperate, there's always the living room floor...

Marron: *sighs*

Yu: And you can just bet that I'll have to clean the sheets...

Miss N: *gets to her bedroom door, which is shut. Her face screws up into a rather interesting shape as she turns the knob and tries to open it. Nothing happens*

Yu: Wrath of the Miko Alert.... *he and the other bish in the kitchen duck and put on helmets*

Miss N: *takes a deep cleansing breath and walks into the bathroom where she whips open the OTHER door leading into her bedroom* YAMENASAI !!!!!!

*the figures tangled in the bedsheets halt*

Miss N: *putting her hands on her hips and glaring* Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, comes to my house and steals my bishounen for an orgy without including me, especially not in MY bed!!!

*the covers fall away and Miss N gawps*

Miss N: G-G-Garv?

Garv: *irritated* What?

Valgarv: *tries to pull the covers back up*

Garv: Ya mind?

Miss N: *sputtering* Uh, ah, no... ah, sorry.... *backs out of the room and shuts the door, then shudders mightily*

Xelloss: *popping up behind her* Gotcha. ^_^

Writer: Honestly Nightfall-chan do you think I'm that rude?

Miss N: Well, I don't know...

Writer: *with tears welling up in her eyes* How could you think that about me, Nightfall-chan??? I'm really not that kind of girl--

Touga: *from the kitchen* Hey, I found the whipped cream! It was hiding behind the leftover meatloaf...

Miss N: *dryly* Uh-huh. What kind of girl ARE you, then?

Writer: *laughing in an embarrassed manner* Um, well... Heh heh... You see...

Xelloss: C'mon, Nightfall, what's your problem? You're being a real stick-in-the-mud today.

Touga: Not to mention bitchy...

Writer: I thought she was always like this...

Miss N: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!

Writer: No no no! Don't be angry! I meant that in a good way! Heh heh...

Xelloss: Are you mad because we didn't invite you to join our little party?

Miss N: Well, it IS my bed...

Touga: Not anymore. Garv and Valgarv have commandeered it.

Miss N: Yeah, I noticed. (shudder) My poor sheets...

Writer: Well, what now? I haven't even had a make-out scene in this Rambling yet! Other guests get wild orgies, and I get diddly...

Xelloss: You poor thing! Here, let me help you get over the pain...

*Xelloss jumps her and proceeds to give her that make-out scene she wanted.*

Touga: No fair! What about me?

Miss N: And ME?

Carrot: *running full-tilt down the hall* AND ME! If there's an orgy goin' on, I wanna be part of it!

Saionji: Me too! Perhaps I can forget the pain of losing my Rose Bride… *sniffles*

Yu: *mutters* Wuss…

Marron: *following the growing crowd* What's going on?

Hotohori: Only one way to find out...

Zel: Do you hear moaning, or am I imagining things?

*Several hours later....*

Writer: *squirms around, trying to get comfy despite the many entangled limbs* Well, that was... different, anyway.

Miss N: *yawns* Yup.

Marron: .... I can't move....

Zel: I really could have done without the vinyl you know

Xelloss and Miss N: What's wrong with vinyl?

*Suddenly the door opens and a short figure enters, books in hand*

Lina X: Hey Miss N, I'm ho--- *stops and stares*

Miss N: Oh shit.

Lina X: *drops books* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MEMBERS OF MY HAREM?!!!

Miss N: Ne, ne, imootochan! They just kinda wandered in... *points at Touga* Blame HIM and his manipulative powers!

Lina X: *glowing a faint gold colour* You're so toast, Nightfall.

Writer: uhh... now would be a GREAT time for you to send me home, Nightfall-chan!

Miss N: I'm too concerned about my own hide to save your ass! This was your idea in the first place!

Zel: I thought it was the fruitcake's...

Lina X: Xelloss. I shoulda known. *turns to him*

Xelloss: *sweatdrops nervously* ME? Why do you say that? Heh heh... It's the Writer's fault! SHE wanted an orgy!

Writer: WHAT?! Xelloss, you traitor!

Xelloss: ^_^

Miss N: Now is not the time...

*Lina X looks ready to turn homicidal, so the Writer decides to save the day.*

Writer: Don't worry, people! I can just Write us out of this!

Miss N: And into what?

Writer: Well, there's plenty of room at the Inn...

Xelloss: WOOHOO! Party at the Writer's place!

* And so they are all whisked away to the Wayside Slayers Inn, determined to party till they drop (or until the Writer runs out of whipped cream and chocolate sauce). Thus, a good time was had by all and everyone lived happily ever after…. At least until Miss N had to go home where she was beaten up by her little sister*

 

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