Miss Nightfall and Harukami-san:

Insane Ramblings of Hentai Minds

 

Nightfall: *leans back in her green chair* Damn. What to write? *calls* Xelloss! What should I write? *Is stunned at the silence* Where is he?

*suddenly, her chair disappears and she falls screaming to land in the middle of a pentacle in the middle of nowhere. Literally. It's some kind of void, though it seems to have an invisible solid ground*

Harukami: *shakily* Nightfall-san?

Nightfall: 00 *Harukami has torn clothing and a knife wound in one arm from the demon summoning ceremony* Harukami-san?

Harukami: TASKETE!!!!! *glomps onto Nightfall but doesn't dig her teeth in, so something's clearly wrong* HELPMEHELPMEHELPME!

Xelloss: Don't run from me, darling... *Xelloss is doing the shadowy evil thing*

Miss N: Uh, okay... what the hell is going on? Oh no. It happened. My brain has finally melted into goo.... By the way Xel, nice look for you. Very, uh, evil.

Xelloss: Thanks!

Miss N: Harukami? Why aren't you doing your best remora impression? And would you, um, like a Band-Aid for that? *gestures to Harukami's bleeding arm*

Harukami: *grabs the front of Nightfall's shirt and drags her close* No time for that! Don't you see? Something's gone hideously wrong here!!

Miss N: Oh no! You don't mean... There's been a world-wide shortage of Iced-Tea Mix?!!!

Harukami: Baka! It's, it's-- *Harukami falls over, swooning like a Zelgadis fan who just saw the chimera coming out of the shower*

Miss N: Huh?! This is not right! Xel? What's going on?

Xelloss: Well, she could be talking about seeing Zelgadis in the shower or...

Harukami: *comes too and grabs the front of Nightfall's shirt* No, that's not it! *sobs like a baby* I shouldn't have tried! I messed with nature. I should never have done it! Oh, I'm so sorry! No more, never again, I say, never again! NEVER!!! *cries into Nightfall's bosom*

Miss N: Whoa, gettin friendly there...

Xelloss: Come come. You did what you did and you must face the consequences. ^_^

Harukami: NOOOOOOOOO!!! *pulls Miss N's face about three millimetres away from her own* Say that you'll help end this insanity! You have to help me!!!

Miss N: Okay, calm down dear. *soothing* What did you do, exactly?

Harukami: I did that which the Ancient Gods forbid! That which goes against the Natural Law!

Miss N: I'm flashing back to 'Death Becomes Her' here, Harukami-san....

Harukami: *babbling on as if uninterrupted* I was wrong, I know that know... but the little bastard is right! I have to pay the price! *SOB* BUT I DON'T WANT TO! GODS ABOVE AND BELOW, I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW!! *sobs again* You must help me! For the sake of all that have ever lived or died, you MUST!!

Miss N: Okay, I'll help you, no matter what sort of trouble you've landed yourself in. First, tell me what you did.

Harukami: *sniff* I *sniff* I... I asked Xelloss if I could --

Miss N: *goggles* Marry him?

Xelloss: ^_^

Harukami: NO! Will you listen?! I asked Xelloss if I could take some training to become a stronger apprentice and gain more powers and stuff but I didn't realise that it would involve being chased around Wolf Pack Island over and over again you have to help me, he promised that if you agreed that I could simply use my brains and special powers I wouldn't need to exercise and probably die PUH-LEEZ help me!!!

Miss N: Is that all?

Harukami: WHADDYA MEAN, ALL?! This is my laziness and possible death we're discussing here!!!

Miss N: Fine. Xel, make her use her brains, not her muscles. What little she has.

Xelloss: Okay. ^_^ *is well fed by now*

Harukami: THANK YOU! *sobs gratefully into Miss N's bosom* Hey, there's someone I want you to meet...

Miss N: Is it cute?

Xelloss: Horny teenagers, sheesh...

Miss N: I was just asking! And you, being so mean to Harukami! I don't remember ever having to run around Wolf Pack island for power!

Xelloss: ixnay.....

Harukami: *glares* I will get you later, Xel...

Xelloss: Goodie. ^_^

Miss N: Well, hold on a sec. I wanna make sure I look good if I'm meeting people.

Xelloss: Vain, aren't we?

Miss N: Yes, WE are.

*Miss Nightfall smiles, winks, and a black fog swirls around her. Xelloss grins and dispells the sense of mystery that Miss N was creating so nicely by reaching one hand into the fog and pinching.*

Miss N: EEP!

*A half-clad Miss N falls out of the fog, tripping on her long black skirt and sprawling very un-graceful-like on the floor.*

Miss N: Shimatta....

*Xelloss giggles*

*Miss N gets up and brushes herself off, pulling her favorite black sweater out of the now dissipating fog. She puts it on, then hooks her collar around her neck, scowling at the Trickster.*

Miss N: That was totally uncalled for, you know.

Harukami: But nonetheless entertaining. Are you ready yet?

Miss N: Just lemme fix my lipstick.... Okay. Done. bring em on!

Xelloss: You look very morbid, dear.

Miss N: Lewis-sensei though my mom must look like Morticia Adams.

Harukami: Alright! Then without further ado, I present to you.....Kiryu Touga!

*a pathetic puff of smoke appears, and as it clears it reveals a absolutely gorgeous bishounen with long red hair, light blue eyes, and a crisp white school uniform. He is wearing a rose crest on a ring on one finger.*

Touga: Wha--?

Miss N: *looks him up and down and up and down again* Niiiiceee....

Touga: *looks her up and down and up and down again, and eventually does a slow scroll up to her face* I do not believe I've had the pleasure of meeting you before. No, I know I have not, for I would have remembered a beauty like yours. *takes her hand and kisses it, doing things with his tongue that one wouldn't have thought possible to a hand*

Miss N: Oh... my.

Harukami: *sighs and thwaps Touga over the head. He somehow manages to hold his suave smile* Don't take him too seriously, Nightfall. To put it frankly, he's a slut.

Xelloss: *snickers*

Touga: I beg your pardon?

Harukami: *defensively* Well, you are! If it's got two arms, two legs, and a heartbeat, and isn't related to you, you'll screw it! *to herself* Of course, that's better than SOME of the guys on Utena...

Xelloss: I don't know, I kind of liked Akio.

Harukami: There, you just lost five-hundred brownie points in my books. Happy?

Xelloss: Always.

Miss N: *trying not to drool over the bishounen and not really succeeding all that well* Hmmm? I don't believe I'm familiar with Utena.

Xelloss: And you call yourself an anime-lover?

Miss N: Quiet you. Hey Harukami, can I borrow this guy? I always love adding more bish to the harem…

*Xelloss has meanwhile snuggled up to Touga.*

Xelloss: Anything with a heartbeat, huh? Here, feel mine....

Miss N: AHH! Why is it every time we all get together something suggestive has to happen?

Harukami: You love it.

Miss N: .... Well, yeah.

Xelloss: *still trying* Anything with a heartbeat, huh? Here, feel mine....

*Touga meanwhile is getting kinda friendly with the Trickster Priest*

Harukami: You two could at least get a room....

Touga: Would you ladies care to join us?

Xelloss: ^__^ I like his train of thought...

Miss N: ARGH! The perversion of it all!

Harukami: Once again I say, you love it.

Miss N: I really wish I could think if a way to negate that...

Harukami: It could be so much worse. Akio could be here.

Miss N: No! Never say anybody's name or they'll---

*scrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaachhhhh as the Mobile Orgy pulls up*

Miss N: --appear.

Harukami: Oh. Shit.

Xelloss: Yay. ^__^

Harukami: *screaming* IT'S THE DEAN OF OHTORI ACADEMY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Or at least your virginity!!!

Xelloss: Virginity? I think I had one of those once...

Touga: *eyes blank somewhat* Akio-sama.. *smiles dreamily and begins to walk towards the Akio car. He lays back on the hood, closing his eyes*

Xelloss: ??

Miss N: I agree. Harukami, what's going on?

*Harukami is surreptitiously attempting to escape the rambling. She whimpers as the attention turns towards her.*

Harukami: Please don't look at me!

*Suddenly... the door to the Akio door swings open...*

Miss N: Oh. Not bad. *eyes the dark-skinned guy who just got out of the car* But still... Hey Touga, ya wanna come stand back over here? Please?

Harukami: Eep! *tries to claw a hole in space so she can escape*

Xelloss: This is odd.

Miss N: You know it's bad when YOU say it's odd. *stares* Um, what are those two guys planning to do on top of that car?!

Xelloss: Use your imagination.

Harukami: Weren't you listening, Nightfall? We've gotta get out of here! For the sake of our hymens!

Miss N: What? Would you settle down and tell me what's going on?

Harukami: *eyes moving fearfully back to the two guys on the car* That's Akio! He screws anybody he can lay his hands on!!

Xelloss: Oh really? ^__^

Miss N: So we just won't let him get too close. No problem.

Akio: *peels himself away from Touga* Ah, what do we have here?

Harukami: AHHHH! *hides behind Nightfall* Don't you understand anything?! He's pretty much a GOD! He... he... he thinks he's Lucifer!! He manipulates everybody!!! He is also one funky sadist!

Xelloss: Well! Excuse me!

Harukami: Not like you, Xelloss. You're a sadist in a good way.

Miss N: *dryly* IS there such a thing?

Akio: *walking towards them. There's a rose in his hands and he drops it and steps on it while walking* What prime examples of blossoming youth! *smiles the smile that melts knees that shouldn't melt* I am Ohtori Akio. *takes and kisses Miss N's hand in a way that brings flying clothing to mind* You are?

Harukami: *attempting to refirm her knees, backs away from Nightfall and attempts to hide in a handy bush* No... no...

Miss N: Duh... huh-huh...

Harukami: *whimpering now* No, no, no...

Akio: *smiling that smile which melts polar icecaps* Your name, Miss...?

Miss N: Uh, Nightfall. *tries really hard not to melt into a puddle of goosh* And uh, this is Harukami. *gestures to the whimpering bush.*

Harukami: Sssssst! Don't draw attention to ME!

Xelloss: When I'm standing right here! Hello there... You're a sadist, eh? I have a few maschocistic tendancies, maybe we should get together some time...?

Miss N: *mindless drool*

Harukami: He's EVIL! And not in a good way! Come to your senses!! Is this any way for a self-proclaimed priestess of darkness to act? Like a pathetic man-worshipping fangirl?

Miss N: *Snaps out of it a little* Uh, where'd Touga get to?

Harukami: Masturbating on the Car. It seems to cause hormonal overdose. *looks vaguely queasy* Look, Xelloss has distracted him! Let's escape! *tries to dash for it, but the Castle of Illusion falls on her* Owie...

Miss N: *looks up* How had it been hanging up there anyway? You okay?

Harukami: It's only an Illusion. It'll go away in a minute. *wheeze* *The Castle vanishes and reappears back up in the sky*

Xelloss: Oh baby, you're quite the looker.

Akio: *chuckle* So they say.

Miss N: *glances at Touga* Great jumping hamsters! *draws her eyes back into her head*

Harukami: *stands up as the castle disappears* There's only one thing left to do to stop this insanity...

Miss N: Um, make iced tea and hope everybody stops their hormonal pursuits in favour of refreshing beverages?

Harukami: Uh, not quite.

Miss N: Blow up the Akio Car so Touga will stop doing uh, *blushes and gestures* that?

Xelloss: You know, I have a nice comfy pocket dimension of my own... Interested?

Akio: Does it have cable?

Harukami: I didn't want things to get to this desperate point but I guess we have no choice...

Miss N: Maybe if we just keep real quiet-like? It looks like Xel and Akio are gonna take off and Touga's uh, *gets a pained look* busy.

Harukami: Hmm... Maybe....

Akio: Oh! But we're forgetting these lovely two young ladies! Shouldn't we invite the along for the ride as well? They ARE friends of yours, right?

Xelloss: Followers actually, but I guess you're right! YOO-HOO! Harukami! Nightfall! Be a couple of dears and come over here, will you? Three's a crowd but four's a party you know.

Nightfall: *blanches, which is pretty amazing considering how pale she already is* ACK! Harukami, quick! What can we do? Tell me you know!!!

Harukami: Once we get Akio out of the world of his own, he can be defeated! We must find a way to escape! *points at the landscape which, a while back, became Ohtori Academy* Somehow, he managed to use Touga as an anchor to drag us from my happy little portable dimension into his own world! We must find our own anchor to drag us back!

Akio: Girls! Come on!

Miss N: But what could the anchor be?!

Harukami: There's only one person I can think of... *quickly glances at Xelloss as if to give Miss N a hint, then taps her ear and makes a vaguely curvy shape in the air* You know?

Miss N: Oooooohhhhhhhh, you mean... *she lowers her voice* Pretty Curvy Lady?

Harukami: *nods* But the trick is getting her here.

Miss N: Um, we could yell really loud?

Harukami: Baka... Don't they teach you anything at Miko school?!

Miss N: Well, um, actually, I never went...

Harukami: Great. The only way we can get out of here is by summoning Juuou-sama and you don't know how?!

Miss N: Wait! I think I know of a way! But um, we need blood.

Akio: Oh girrrrrlllllllsssssss.....

Harukami: ACK! I don't care WHAT it takes, just get her here NOW!

Miss N: Okee. *clears her throat and closes her eyes, raising her arms above her head.* Noblest of all Predators, Lady of the Hunt, hear my cries! You who stalk the shadows of the forest, you who run wild through the moonlit night, come to me! I ask for your presence, I ask for your aid, Mother of Beasts I call upon thee and swear myself to your service! *turns to Harukami* Um, ok, we need blood here...

Harukami: *does her remora impression and bites Miss N's shoulder* There ya go.

Miss N: OW!! Um, okay... *squeezes the wound until blood patters on the ground* owieowieowie... Greater Beast Xelas Mettalium, I call thee forth! DARK MISTRESS COME TO OUR AID!!!

*silence*

Miss N: Oh... fudge.

Akio: *sly grin*

Harukami: We are so screwed...

Gorgeous voice: Hmmm... no, but I bet you wish you were... ne, Harukami-chan?

Harukami: *sobs in relief* Juuou-sama! *throws herself at Xelas, head between the Demon Lord's breasts*

Xelas: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're glad to see me. That's all nice and good. Yeah. So whaddya want?

Miss N: You need to save our virginity!!!!

Xelas: Well, now THAT is an unusual request. Anyway, weren't Harukami and I going at it last rambling together?

Harukami: *goes bright, bright red*

Miss N: That's beside the point! *points* We need to be saved from HIM! Hell, the whole world needs to be saved by him.

Xelas: *looks* Oh. *flatly* Akio.

Harukami: ... you know him?

Akio: Why hello, pretty woman.

Xelas: *twitch*

Miss N: ARRGGGGHHHHH! See what we mean Juuou-sama? The guy's... he's.. I can't even think of a word to describe this weirdo properly!

Harukami: *whispers to Miss N* Look at the scenery, I think the plan worked!

Miss N: *looks at the scenery and sees, much to her relief, that the funky upside-down castle is no longer anywhere in sight.* Oh thank the gods... or er, Dark Lords as the case may be...

Phantom Zel voice: Don't pray to Dark Lords!

Harukami: ?_?

Miss N: *shrug*

Akio: *advancing on Xelas* My, what a lovely creature you are my dear! Would you perhaps care to take a spin in my car?

Harukami: *groans and clutches Xelas, hands in odd places* Don't go!

Miss N: *cackles madly* BWAHAHA! Your sexual hypnosis has no power here anymore Akio! We have drawn you away from your little world and into the relative safety of Harukami's pocket-dimension! *does her best Naga pose* OH-HOHOHOHO! OH-HOHOHO--

Xelas: Shut it Nightfall. Hurts my sensitive ears.

Miss N: --ho.

Harukami: *hides behind Xelas*

Akio: Why, WHAT sexual hypnosis? All I want is to give this luscious lady a little spin in my car...

Miss N: I dunno if you wanna drive it after Touga's been left alone so long with it... Maybe if you ran it through a car-wash first...

Xelas: Spare me, Akio. We all know your pathetic advances are wasted on me.

Harukami: *sticks out her tongue at Akio* So there.

Miss N: Hey, where'd Xelloss get to?

Harukami: *looks around* ...I think he's on the car with Touga...

Miss N: *eyebrow twitch*

Xelas: I'm not surprised, horny little boy that he is.

Akio: 'pathetic advances'? *injured look*

Xelas: Pathetic. Read my lips. Pa. The. Tic.

Harukami: You tell him, Juuou-sama!

Xelas: I am telling him. You can release my breast now.

Harukami: *drops her hand, stepping back and blushing*

Miss N: *cough* Hentais. Surrounded by them.

Xelas: *truly evil look* You know, now that he's in OUR world... we can do what we want to him. So, girls... what do we want to do to him?

Akio: I can think of a few things...

Xelas: Shut up, you.

Miss N: Hrm. I'm trying to think of something we can do to him that WON'T get him off... *snaps fingers* Castration!

*From the Akio car comes two groans of sympathy, not pleasure this time*

Harukami: We need a punishment to suit his crimes.

Miss N: Castration!

*groans again*

Harukami: Hmmmm... We manipulate him somehow as he manipulated everyone else?

Miss N: Castration's less work...

Harukami: Good point. Sounds like a fairly good idea.

Xelas: Now which one of you wants to get close enough to chop it off?

*Miss N and Harukami exchange a glance, both a little green.*

Harukami: Nuh-uh. No way. You suggested it.

Miss N: I'm not doing it! Can't you make Xel do it, Juuou-sama?

Xelas: In case you forgot, Xelloss is... busy.

Miss N: *looks at the car and looks quickly away* Urk.

Akio: Cas... tration? *gulp*

Harukami: Hey, I know! Since neither of us want to do it, why don't we get a flame thrower and burn it off instead?!

Miss N: Yeah! That's a great idea! *grins wickedly*

*more moans of pain from the car*

Akio: *gulps again, very, very pale* Ladies, can't we talk about this?

Xelas: Hmmm... I don't know, girls. Your call, but what if it just burns his pants off?

Harukami: *turns greener*

Miss N: Uhhh…. *snaps her fingers* I have an excellent idea! Rabid hamsters!

*stare*

Harukami: Uhh…

Miss N: No, really! We will stuff rabid hamsters down his pants and then secure them so the rodents cannot escape. Eventually, they will bite it off and we don't even really need to get near him. Except to drop the hamsters down, but that just takes a second. I can do that.

Akio: Bite… it… off?!

Harukami: YOSH! One special order of rabid hamsters coming right up!! *she makes a gesture and suddenly the ferocious chomping of teeth is heard as a dozen rabid hamsters come pouring into the room.*

Miss N: HAHAHA! *yanks Akio's pants open and stuffs hamsters down them before duct-taping his pants to his body so the hamsters can't escape.

Akio: YEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!

Xelloss: Pity. Wasting a libido like that…

Harukami: I thought you were on the car.

Xelloss: Taking a break.

Miss N: Tell me Touga's finished over there…

Xelas: *sigh* I want a drink.

Harukami: Let me pour that for you Juuou-sama.

Xelas: *rewards Harukami with a nuzzle* Thank you.

And so the world was freed from Akio's sex-drive and Harukami got to 'snuggle' Xelas Mettalium and Miss N got to throw Touga into her harem and Xelloss got to know the Akio car better. The End.

 

Take me Away from Here