KIDNAPPED!

Author's notes: Hello everybody! It's Harukami again!

All the characters: AAAAAAAAAH!! *run in fear*

Me: Well, you don't have to be that way about it. This here's another crossover. And self-insert. The series are: Sailormoon (this is the main one, surprisingly... or not...); The Slayers; Mobile Suit Gundam Wing; Yu Yu Hakusho; Mahoe Tsukai Tai; and Fushigi Yuugi. They all belong to their respective owners and not to me... pity.

Characters: Phew.

Haruka: That's a relief.

Me: Well... I'd hug you and squeeze you and love you to bits! 'An I'd let you stay out to all hours....

Michiru: We do that already.

Me: Michiru wa Kawaii! *glomps gleefully*

Haruka: Oi. *resignedly gets out crowbar and tries to pry me off. *

Me: Kawaii!!! *lets go and reattatches to Haruka* bishounen people: Hey, isn't this supposed to be about us...?

Me: Oh yeah. TO the STORY!!!

 

An ominous silence filled the room, moments before people did.

To be fair, they didn't intend to. They'd been teleported in by a power that overwhelmed their own... immediately, people searched for others they knew, even if these people were their lifelong enemies.

It didn't take anybody long to realize that the population was male and almost entirely made up of bishounen.

"Oooh..." Fisheye breathed, clinging to Chiba Mamoru's left arm with a death-grip. "Mamo-chan, I'm scared. Protect me."

"Hmph!" Fiore snorted, from his own death-girp on Mamoru's RIGHT arm. "You can't keep Mamoru-kun that way! Don't worry, Mamoru-kun, I won't let anyone take you away from me!"

"Anoooo..." Mamoru sweated, trying to figure away out of his predicament.

...

"No!" Wufei sobbed, tearing at his hair as he ran through the crowd, trying to escape an ecstatic Treize Kushinada, who was slowed by Zechs Marquise hanging off the tail of his coat, trying to drag him backwards. "Sword, sword... aha!"

Desperately, Wufei snatched at a katana from a sheath hanging at the side of a very short, young man. He took a step towards Trieze, but was brought up short by the owner of the sword appearing right in front of him.

"You want to die, human?" the short man asked in a surprisingly deep voice. He raised an arm, the bandages on it beginning to burn away in black fire.

The red-haired bishounen looming over... er, standing beside the fire demon put a hand on his shoulder. "Hiei, you can't release your Kokoryuuha in here! Everyone will die!"

"So what? They're just humans." He glanced around the room and added, "...mostly."

"And I might die, too."

"Hn."

Kurama's eyes went watery and began to quiver. His bottom lip trembled. He sniffled a little.

"Oh, al right," Hiei sighed, snatching his katana back and witdrawing into the crowd. "Stupid fox."

Wufei blinked at this, then remembered his hunter and continued running. Tears streaming from his eyes, he dashed past someone in the same predicament.

"Nooooo!" Aburatsubo shouted, chasing after a nerdish boy, holding a daisy. "I just want to give this to you..." Realizing a better option than running, he held the flower between his teeth and hopped onto his broomstick. He sped after Takeo-kun at a much increased speed.

Duo pushed his way through the crowd, much depressed. He knew Heero had to be here somewhere, being a smart God of Death, and figuring out where the author was heading with this rather lengthy narrative.

His ears perked as he heard Heero's voice. But why was he calling 'Mi...a... ka'? When Duo came closer, he understood the reason, and it chilled his blood.

That man had Heero's voice, but he wasn't Heero.

The braided young man ran to the imposter, snatched him by the front of his shirt, and shook him. "Who are you and why do you have Heero's voice?!?"

"A... ano..." the imposter rattled.

"Oh!" A feminine voice exclaimned nearby. "Tama-chan is in trouble! Do you think we should help him, Hotohori-sama?"

"Tamahome can take care of himself," a deeper voice responded.

"Hai, Hotohori-sama!"

"An... ooo..." Tamahome said again, his eyes swirly from being shaken.

A deep voice boomed out behind them. "Tamahome-kun, it appears you are in need of my assistance. Do let me help you."

The owner of the voice was a man with long blond hair and eerie blue eyes. He raised a hand and a symbol on his forhead flashed blue as he sent a chi blast at Duo. Duo flew across the room, knocked Aburatsubo off his broom, who landed on Wufei, pinning him, and Duo eventually landed on Heero's head. In annoyance, Heero punched him.

"Itai..." Duo moaned.

Tamahome looked at his savior and paled. "K'so!" he swore, 'Oni' symbol on his forhead flaring as he swung a punch.

Nakago caught his fist and slowly started to crush it. "Now, now," he murmured, "is that any way to thank me?" Light gleamed ferally in his eyes.

Before a free-for-all could break out, a huge burst of flame appeared in the air above the middle of the room, burning away until it revealed the figure of a woman. Many bishounen froze in terror as they recognized the bane of their kind... Hi no Miko, the bishounen-lover.

Hi no Miko was wearing a black leather halter-top and tight red pants. She was laughing evilly, a la Naga. Her breasts bounced.

"Kowaii..." the bishounen trembled.

A much less impressive puff of smoke poofed next to the Miko, and a girl with short brown hair appeared. She could be recognized as Harukami, compainion and sometime rival of the Miko. She was wearing jeans, a blue tank top, and a slightly worried expression.

"Don't you think actually KIDNAPPING them is a little much?" Harukami queried. "I mean, when I joked about you collecting bishounen like some people collected stamps..."

"OHOHOHOHOHOH!" Naga... er, Hi no Miko laughed. "You're so naive, Harukami! You're just jealous that I thought of it first! OHOHOHOH..."

Harukami eyed her nervously. "It's just that this puts us in the catagory of the villains, which means that eventually, we'll lose, quite probably permanently."

Shooting Harukami a glance, Hi no Miko asked, "You're afraid, then?"

"Well..." Harukami hedged, "it's just that any minute now, some kind of superhero will show up and say..."

"Stop right there!"

"See? I told you."

Harukami and Hi no Miko looked over to the long buffet table where a whole batallion of Sailor Senshi stood.

"For the heinous crime of hogging our bishounen, we will not forgive you! I'm the pretty sailor-suited warrior for love and justice, Eternal Sailor Moon!"

"And Super Sailor Chibi-Moon!"

"Super Sailor Mercury!"

"Super Sailor Mars!"

"Super Sailor Jupiter!"

"Super Sailor Venus!"

"Super Sailor Neptune!"

Silence.

Neptune nudged Uranus, waking her up. "Huh, what? Oh... um... Super Sailor Uranus!"

"Super Sailor Pluto!"

"Super Sailor Saturn."

"Chibi chibi chibi! CHIBI chibi!"

"Sailor Starfighter!"

"Sailor Starmaker!"

"Sailor Starhealer!"

"And in the name of our various planets, sattelites, comets, and... um..." Moon counted on her fingers. "...starseeds, we'll punish you!"

However, they had an unresponsive audience. Hi no Miko had stopped paying attention ages ago and was guzzling coke. Harukami had hearts in her eyes and was preparing to spring.

"Kawaii!!!" she squealed, flinging herself into Uranus and Neptune's arms. Uranus caught her upper half and Neptune caught her legs. Harukami snuggled into Uranus's bosom.

As one, the two senshi dropped her.

Harukami landed at their feet with a thump. "Itai," she complained. Her eyes focussed. "Wow... legs go all the way up..."

Uranus clutched at her skirt and flushed. Then she kicked Harukami in the face. "Hentai!" she snarled.

"I only have a nosebleed because you kicked me in the face! You're so mean! And you're my favourite senshi, too!" She sniffled and clutched at Neptune's legs. "You won't be mean to me, will you?"

Neptune bent down and glared at Harukami. "Maybe if you stopped kidnapping us, tying us up... making us wear stupid things..."

"Oh!' She exclaimed, suddenly understanding. "That explains it!" She hugged Neptune excitedly. Uranus picked her off and tried to fling her into the crowd. Harukami caught herself in a whirlwind, spun, righted, and glomped Haruka and Michiru again.

"A happy Harukami is a Haruka 'n' Michiru'd Harukami!" she giggled.

Meanwhile, Hi no Miko had finished her coke and started to power up, laughing maniacally. "OHOHOHOHOHO! You don't frighten me, Senshi! I... AAAAAH! Starlights!!!!!! Turnmaleturnmaleturnmale!"

The starlights paled and tried to hide behind one another. Eventually they ended up in a tangle of leather-clad limbs. (the author pauses to sew Shannon's lips shut. Hentai o Naosu!)

Hi no Miko laughed delightedly. "More! More!"

Harukami crossed her legs. "Hmm..." she muttered. "Miko-san is acting strange... excuse me for a minute." She disappeared in another pathetic puff of smoke, reappeared next to Pluto, grabbed the Big-Ass Key and floated out of the outraged senshi's arm reach. She let the Key float in front of her and concentrated hard. "Lesse... horoscopes... time paradoxes... KISS dolls (I see you have the Endy-san!)... lemon fics... Setsuna-san! I didn't know you TAPED them!... memo to self to get soundproofing in upstairs walls... Clef-san (what's HE doing there?!?)... Yaoi author's crossreferencing... AHA! Current improbable plot twists to file! Hi_no_Miko.txt!" Harukami waved the BAK in delight, unwittingly causing a new paradox where, when a certain purple-haired bishounen was climbing a certain hill, making him (instead of ending up with a certain wolf-man) teleport spontaneously into the lap of a certain bishounen Emperor, and this fic will certainly win a certain award for the most gratuitous use of the word 'certain'.

Suddenly, reading the file, Harukami paled. "Puu-chan, double check this for me, will you?"

Pluto took back the BAK, angry only until she noticed that Harukami had dumped another dozen yaoi fics into her files. "Yes," she agreed, seeing what happened. "This could be bad. It appears that the 'Hi no Miko' drank some cherry coke, which she is allergic to, and this weakened her psychic resistance while strengthening her will power in other respects. Unfortunately, a Dill Brand sent Naga the White Serpent into an out-of-body experience, and she looked for a body to take over. They seem..."

"OHOHOHOHOHOH! Never underestimate Hi no Miko the White Serpent!"

"... to be merging quite well. There's only one way we could kick Naga out."

"The belief of the bishounen," Harukami breathed in disbelief.

"Precisely."

"What exactly are we talking about here?" Moon asked, peeved because, like always, everyone knew more than her.

Harukami took over again. "Somehow we have to channel the belief of the thing dearest to her... bishounen... to give her the will power to resist Naga."

"The senshi and Harukami will meld our powers to create a gate to send the bishounen's energy through," Pluto explained.

"You mean..." Harukami's eyes widened. "I get to MELD WITH HARUKA AND MICHIRU?!?! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!" the brown-haired girl started to bounce off walls... literally.

Soon, the preparations were made (they kept Hi no Miko quiet with more coke, non cherry this time). The senshi all stood in a large circle, holding hands. Harukami was between Uranus and Neptune because it kept HER quiet. The bishounen prepared to release their belief; it hung in an almost visable aura around them. The senshi all shouted their henshin phrases and Harukami whispered, "Kaze no Unmei...". The belief surged up and through the circle, slamming into Hi no Miko. A maniacal laugh emerged from her mouth and faded into the distance, along with the image of a leather-wearing woman. The bishounen were teleported away as Hi no Miko collapsed, unconcious.

Harukami picked her friend's body up and carried her away.

***

The Hi no Miko woke to find herself in Harukami's bed. She panicked for a moment, then realized she was wearing nightclothes, so it was okay. She shook her friend. "What happened?"

Harukami rubbed her eyes blearily. "Got possessed by Naga, kidnapped many bishounen, Senshi showed up, freed you, I took you home. End. Me sleep now."

"I kidnapped bishounen," Hi no Miko exclaimed, "AND I LET THEM GO?!? I'm gonna kill those senshi..." she teleported away, setting the bedsheets on fire as she went.

The short haired girl absently reached for the glass of water beside her bed and doused the flames, patting out what little was left. Then she went back to her dreams of Haruka and Michiru.

Fanfic!