Note - the following story is not only stupid but deals with various partners doing various things. And I DO mean various….

Miss Nightfall's Blanket Fic(s) (the horror, the horror)

 ***Cabin One - True Love does exist, Zelgadis….***

 It was cold. Very cold, actually. In fact, it was so freaking cold that Gourry could feel his nose-hairs freezing. "Ano," he whimpered. "Zel-kun, if we don't find a place to warm up soon I think we might get bitten by frost."

Zel shivered in agreement, despite Gourry's odd phrasing. His cerulean eyes scanned the white mass ahead of him, desperately seeking anything, anything at all. Suddenly from out of the swirling snow there appeared the dark outline of a cabin. "There!" he said. "Gourry, we can stay in that cabin until the storm lets up!" For some strange reason, as soon as the words were out of his mouth Zel felt the bottom of his stomach drop out.

The two figures trudged their way to the cabin, letting themselves inside. Upon inspection it became clear that there was nothing in the cabin at all save a single blanket and a buck's head that was nailed to one wall and was strangely reminiscent of something involving chainsaws and zombies…

"Ano… Zel-kun, there's no food here!"

"More importantly, there's nothing to make a fire with. Damn." Zel plunked his stone ass on the floor, trying to ignore the numbing cold sinking into his bones. "You take the blanket, Gourry."

The Blonde One shook his head. "No, Zelgadis," he said. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Zel hugged his knees to his chest.

"Because it wouldn't be right for me to be warm while you're freezing cold. YOU take the blanket."

"Thanks, but no. You can have it."

"Dammit Zel, I'm trying to be chivalrous here."

"Do I look like a fair maiden?" Zel asked irately.

Gourry pondered this. "Nooo… but you can! You're pretty hot in a dress, Zel."

Zel fell over. "I am NOT taking the blanket, Gourry!" he yelled once he'd righted himself.

"Well, I'm not taking it either."

They sat in silence for about, oh, three minutes.

"Ano…. It's really cold, Zel-kun."

"Freezing."

Silence.

"We could… share the blanket."

"I'd rather not."

More silence. Then, suddenly…

"Zelgadis?"

"Yes, Gourry?" Zel looked up to see Gourry holding half the blanket out to him. The other half was draped over his shoulders. A large quantity of fuzzy pink and yellow stuff drifted serenely in the background and for some odd reason Gourry's hair sparkled whenever he moved.

"Zelgadis," Gourry said again, his voice suddenly having the ability to turn knees to liquid and make other parts, er, not liquid. (i.e. hard)

"What?" Zel squeaked, unnerved by the sudden passion he felt rising in his soul.

"Share the blanket with me."

Zel knew intuitively that if he shared the blanket he'd be sharing a helluva lot more before the night was over.

"Please."

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zel screamed and leaped to his feet. "NO! NONONONO! I KNOW what's going on here!" He pointed a finger at the ceiling and glared at it. "YOU! I knew it was you! Nobody else in their right mind would want to see a fic where me and Gourry shag like hamsters!"

Gourry blinked. "Ano, Zel…"

Zel ignored him and continued to yell at the ceiling. "Well, you can just forget it, you pervert! I will fight against ALL temptation! No matter HOW badly I might want to have wild, hot, sweaty, mind-blowing sex with Gourry I will REFUSE TO SHARE THE BLANKET!!!"

Zel stopped, panting. Gourry pulled the blanket tightly around himself. "Ano, Zel…" he tried again. "There's no-one there. It's just a ceiling."

Zel turned, remembering he was not alone. "Sorry Gourry. Insane fic author."

Gourry looked pretty freaked out. He was watching Zel warily. "Suuuure. Zel?"

"Yes, Gourry?"

"You want to sleep with me?! I only wanted to share the blanket!!"

Zel froze.

"Well, you can just stay on the other side of the cabin, mister!" Gourry exclaimed, turning away. "Don't come near me, you weirdo!"

Zel sighed. Life just wasn't fair…

 

***Cabin Two - No really Zel, it DOES exist, honest!***

 It was cold. Very cold, in fact. It was so cold that Zelgadis thought his eyelids might just freeze shut. It didn't help that he was being forced to drag the dead weight of a certain annoying Trickster Priest through the snow. Zel cursed under his breath. If it wasn't for the fact that he needed the damn Mazoku ALIVE in order to gain some information about the Claire Bible he would dump the bastard in the nearest snowbank and hope he froze to death. Damn circumstance.

"Why you had to go and get yourself hurt NOW," Zel muttered through clenched teeth. The Mazoku had been injured by some mysterious, cackling figure who was approximately five feet tall or so only minutes before. The enemy had been so strong she had forced Zel to retreat, dragging the injured priest with him. Lina and the others had retreated into the blizzard as well, but Zelgadis had lost them in the swirling snow.

Zelgadis blinked suddenly. There, ahead of him, was a dark smudge against the frigid white. A cabin! Zel struggled toward it, breath coming in tearing gasps. At last he burst through the door, dragging Xelloss behind him. He dumped the Trickster in a corner and covered him with a blanket, then looked around his temporary refuge. The cabin was devoid of furnishings and empty save the blanket, an ancient mug encrusted with ancient hot chocolate and a buck head mounted on the wall that was strangely reminiscent of chainsaws and zombies for some reason.

Xelloss stirred but did not wake up. Zel looked at him, and was suddenly struck by how pale the other man was and how soft his skin looked… He looked peaceful, almost beautiful.

Zelgadis slapped himself across the face, hard. Oh no, he was not having weird thoughts like THAT, thank you very much. The Trickster's eyes slit open at the noise Zel's palm made as it struck his cheek. "Yare, yare," he said with a smile. "I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, Zel-kun."

"I'm not," Zel said flatly. Suddenly the fruitcake bounded to his feet and launched himself at the chimera, making Zel stagger back against one wall.

"Oh come ON, Zel-kun! Don't be shy! I saw you looking at me!"

"Yeah, I was trying to figure out if I could bash your skull open with my fists!"

Xelloss snuggled his head under Zel's chin. "Gee it's cold," Xelloss purred. "I think maybe we ought to generate a little heat."

Zel went many fun colours, because the author LIKES it when Zel turns many fun colours.

Xelloss giggled and dragged Zel to the floor with him, wrapping him in the blanket so they were nice and cosy. "Ne, Zel-kun," he murmured, his breath tickling Zel's ear. "Isn't this better than being cold?"

"Not really."

"Oh, hush up. Now is not the time for words anyway."

Zel felt sick, soupy horror spawn in his guts. "What do you mean?"

"I mean this is the scene where we screw like weasels in heat."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-- oh that feels nice…"

 

***Cabin Three - At least it's not the Car ***

 It was cold. Very cold, you bet your bippy. It was so cold that even he, as God-like as he was, was feeling it and disliking it. The worst part was that the cabin he was in was empty save for a single blanket, an ancient mug encrusted with ancient hot chocolate, a discarded pair of underwear and a buck's head nailed to one wall that was strangely reminiscent of chainsaws and zombies for some weird reason.

His companion shivered, numb all the way through, and he smiled. "Would you care to share my blanket?" he asked with a decidedly evil grin.

The companion froze, terror building in his primitive little heart. "Chu-chu," he said and shook his head. Akio Ohtori smiled and held out part of the blanket.

"Are you sure? I'm sure we could find a way to stay… warm."

Chu-Chu stared at the strange, twisted, perverted, EVIL man for a whole three seconds before fleeing into the dark, freezing cold of the blizzard. Run, little Chu-Chu! It is better that you face DEATH than spend a night trapped in a cabin with the Dean of Ohtori Academy! RUN!!!

 

*** Cabin Four - In which Lina discovers that food is better than sex ***

 It was cold. Very freaking cold, if you want to get picky about it. It was so cold that Lina Inverse found her mind was actually taken off of her growling stomach. She booted open the door to the cabin, shivering as she and Zelgadis entered. "I HATE the snow!" she exclaimed as Zelgadis brushed the offending white stuff from his shoulders.

"Indeed," was his intelligent reply. He scanned the room, dismayed to find that it was empty save for a single blanket, an ancient mug encrusted with ancient hot chocolate, a discarded pair of underwear, a toothbrush and a bucks' head nailed to one wall that was strangely reminiscent of something involving chainsaws and zombies.

"Lina," Zel said. "Do you believe in deja-vu?"

"Blanket's mine!" Lina called gleefully and dived for it. She wrapped herself up, making squeaky happy noises as she did. Zel glared at her.

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Don't I get something to warm myself up with?"

Lina looked around the cabin, and then smiled. "There ya go, Zel," she said, pointing to the discarded underwear. "You can use that as a hat or something, Warm up your ears."

Zel felt that old familiar vein start pulsing at his forehead.

Lina stared at Zelgadis for a minute, then sighed in resignation. "Okay, fine," she said and held open the blanket. "You can share it with me. But no snuggling."

"Of course not." Zel looked mildly repulsed by the idea. Lina didn't like the look.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked as he wrapped himself up beside her. "Am I not snuggable?"

"I don't even think that's a real word," Zel commented and promptly received a conk on the head.

Lina sniffled. She was cold, hungry, and the big blue jerk thought she was an ugly, flat-chested little girl! Zelgadis looked at her curiously.

"Lina, are you crying?" he asked with genuine surprise.

"BAKA!" she screeched and hit him over the head. "I am NOT crying! And if I was it would be all your fault, you insensitive dork!"

Zel pondered this and was bright enough to figure out that by finding her 'un-snuggable' he had somehow offended her. "Lina," he said gently. "I'd snuggle you in a second." He prayed it was the right thing to say.

"Really?"

"Really."

Lina suddenly went completely Out-Of-Character. "Then let's snuggle, Zel," she breathed in a husky whisper that made Zel's brain melt into something that resembled Jell-O.

*Achem.* Later…

"So."

"So."

"What did you think?"

Lina toyed with the blanket. "Well," she said slowly. "It wasn't bad."

"Not bad?" Performance anxiety hit like a sledgehammer.

"Not bad," she agreed. "Like, it was better than a nice trip to a hot spring, but not as great as a 12-course banquet or something."

Zel sat there in utter shock. FOOD was better than his lovemaking? Impossible! He looked at Lina, who was nodding to herself.

"Yeah, a full-fledged royal feast would be better," she said to herself. "But still, not bad at all."

Zel felt his eyes turn to goo. "Lina…"

"Yeah, Zel?"

Zelgadis Greywers then promptly booted the fiery little sorceress out into the blizzard, tossing her clothes after her. In the snow, shivering like mad, Lina glared at the cabin. "They DO change after you sleep with them," she muttered.

 

*** Cabin Five - The Fate of Glaces ***

 It was cold. Very cold, in case you didn't get that idea by now. It was so cold that Marron Glaces found it very hard to scream, but he managed it anyway.

"NO! NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO! TASUKETE!!!!!!!"

Gateau Mocha grinned as he dragged the bishy magic-user through the whirling blizzard. "Almost there, Marron!" he exclaimed delightedly. Up ahead a cabin loomed like impending death. Gateau and his protesting companion reached the door and swung it open, escaping the blinding snow. Gateau scanned the room quickly and found that the cabin was empty save for a single blanket, an ancient mug encrusted with ancient hot chocolate, a discarded pair of underwear, a toothbrush, a charred Chimera corpse and a buck's head nailed to one wall that was strangely reminiscent of something involving chainsaws and zombies.

"Here we are," he declared and plunked Marron down on the floor. Marron was a bit more back in character now, although he was still mighty nervous. He and the rest of the Sorcerer Hunters had been talking to a few commoners when one of them had mentioned that there was a cabin up on the mountainside that was eternally surrounded by a blizzard. That was pretty odd, so of course he had asked if anyone knew WHY the blizzard never ended.

"Oh," the nondescript, general background character had replied. "The cabin is used by crazy fic authors for Blanket Scenarios." It was upon hearing those words that Gateau had begun to grin maniacally. He had grabbed Marron by the hand and started pulling him as fast as he could up the side of the mountain. Now, Marron was not a stupid boy. He read a good deal, so he was familiar with what a blanket fic was and that was why he had started screaming. Now that he was actually IN the cabin he could only pray that the fic he was apparently stuck in was the kind where the two people trapped indoors would merely discover each other's deep, dark secrets… not knock boots.

However, Marron began to grow even more nervous as he glanced about. There were two objects in the cabin that fed his anxiety in particular: the charred Chimera corpse and the buck head. Both seemed to suggest a particular author, and he had a nasty feeling that he knew who that author was…

Sinister cackling drifted on the wind outside the cabin.

"Man, it's cold," Gateau remarked, eager to get the show on the road. "And there's only one blanket!"

Marron nodded, dread rising up in his throat like bile. "Yes, there is. You go ahead and take it."

"But Marron, you'll freeze! Here, we can share it."

Marron looked ill. "Uh, no thank you. I'll just… wrap myself in my hair! Yeah!"

Gateau looked at him sternly. "That won't help," he said. "Come on Marron."

Marron sighed, seeing no way out of it. Meekly he sat down beside Gateau and let the big man wrap them both in the blanket. He sighed and relaxed, happy to be warm despite his anxiety. He stayed nice and relaxed until he felt the hand creeping towards his crotch.

"Gateau?" he asked, voice like honey.

"Yes?" Husky, impassioned whisper.

"Get your hand off of that!!"

"Geez, sorry."

Minutes passed.

"Gateau, I said OFF."

"Okay, okay."

Seconds passed.

"I MEANT IT!"

"Oh, come on Marron!"

"NO!"

"What if I do… this?!"

"I said NO and I MEAN-- "*giku*

And so, as some Japanese lady once said a long time ago, "the night passed all too quickly."

 ***The End***

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