Mysterious Supernatural Things 25.5:

episode 1 "Demons, Angels, and Humans, Oh My!"

Far away, in a city not unlike London, Ontario.... a young man by the name of Nicholas sat and yawned, flipping channels on TV.

He sighed. "Commercial, commercial, junky music video, guys in drag... hey, do I know--? never mind, commercial, crappy kid's cartoon, reruns of Pokemon again..."

The door opened and a figure waved. He was slender and dark-haired, and somehow radiated purity and goodness. "Nicky! What're you up to?"

"Not watching TV." Nicholas flipped the screen off and turned, smiling. "So what'd Kal call you out for so near dinner time, eh, Fahlen?"

The pure young man smiled as well. "It's kind of complicated.... we might need your help..."


Bele drummed his fingers on the arm of the sofa. "I'm BOORREEEDD..." Bele being bored made an interesting sight. Half-demon by birth and flamer by choice, he wore black leather with red harnesses every day to his rather mundane job as an advice columnist and, as a demon, liked tormenting people. Which included his partner when the going got tough.

Kal chose to ignore him. It was something he'd had to learn; angels rarely ignored someone demanding their attention, especially if that person was close to them. But Kal had fallen and though he'd retained a surprisingly large amount of his innocence, he had gained the hopeful characteristics of knowing when the person he loved was just being a bitch.

"Kaaalll..." Bele suddenly grinned and crawled across the couch. "Wanna play a game? It'll be lots of fun..."

Kal HAD lost enough innocence to recognize the look on his lover's face. "No! Fahlen should be fetching Nick any minute! Don't you have ANY shame?!"

The demon paused, debating. "Not really, no." He leaped toward Kal at the same time the fallen angel wisely picked up a nearby hardcover. A sharp rap on the head set a pout on his features. "Oh come ON, Kal. Your little Guardian Angel friend still has to talk the human INTO it. We have no guarantee they'll come."

"I can't believe I'm going to do this..." Kal mused.

Bele perked up. "You will?!"

The fallen angel pinked. "Not THAT, pervert! MSTing fanfics sent by that Evil Overlord you know."

"Oh. That." Bele pouted again.

Kal pursed his lips, thinking. "Why WOULD an Evil Overlord want US to MST fanfics, anyway? And why would we need help from Fahlen and Nick, anyway?"

Bele rolled over, laying his head in Kal's lap. "She wants to be a Supreme Dictator, and since I owe her for some help once, I agreed to help her with this. She sent me this list of people she wanted to help: Coke, potato chips, contact lens solution... wait, that's her shopping list. Here we go! One fallen angel, one guardian angel, one renegade demon, a deep and intelligent demon, and a conniving little SOB of a cat demon."

The angel's brows raised. "No full angel?"

"The only one she knows doesn't talk."

"Ah." Kal might have added more, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. He rose immediately and Bele's head bounced lightly on the couch. "I'll get that."

Moving carefully around the mess of papers that Bele had to sort through to pick out letters to 'advise', Kal picked his way to the front door and opened it.

Two people gazed back at him. The taller of the two had long black hair, yellow slitted eyes and a dark expression. The smaller was grinning madly and a fang stuck out the side of his lips.

The taller held out a piece of paper. "We were given directions to come here."

Suddenly glomping onto the other, the smaller nodded. "Aniki said I was coming too! Isn't my Aniki cute?"

Kal looked back and forth between them. "Uh....." he flushed, still not accustomed to interacting with demons, "'re here for the MSTing?"

"Yes," said the taller.

The smaller nodded rapidly again. "HAI HAI! I'm Owen, and this is my Aniki, Chandi!"

Kal stepped aside to let the two in. Despite both having dark hair -- with blonde stripes in the bangs in Owen's case -- they didn't really look much alike. Owen looked Japanese, and sounded it too, and Chandi was obviously white. "You don't look like brothers."

"We didn't have the same mother," Owen told him, smiling cutely.


"Or the same father."

The angel paused, trying to figure that one out, and the two demons made their way into the living room.

Kal had just turned to follow them when there was another knock, and he opened it to reveal the familiar faces of Nick and his guardian. "Uh, hi. Um, the others are in the living room... I'll just grab some snacks... or something..."

Fahlen nodded encouragingly at Nick as Kal retreated. "Don't worry about it, he always looks a bit befuddled. Let's go."

The angel had grabbed a bag of chips and a few bowls and was climbing down from his chair when there was a scream of outrage from the living room. He stumbled and his wings popped out and unfolded to help him get his balance. Not wasting time to put them away again, he dashed into the living room to see Nick holding the front of an unperturbered Chandi's shirt while Owen seemed to be seriously contemplating kicking the human in the nuts.


Chandi tilted his head. "Is something wrong?"



Bele waved his hands calmingly. "Now, guys, we just have to get along for a few hours..."

Owen bared his teeth. "Figures a renegade would say something like that!!"

"Nick..." Fahlen attempted to gently remove the human's hands from Chandi's shirt. "He's dangerous... his attempts to seduce you were in the past..."


Kal observed this, blinking once or twice, then calmly set out the bowls and filled them with chips, folding his wings up.

"Renegade?! I assure you I still work for our master!"

"IN NAME ALONE! You're too busy cozying up with a member of the heavenly host!"

"Relinquish my shirt, human."


Kal turned back to the group, opened his mouth and screamed, "WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP?!"


The fallen angel shook his head. "Nick, let go of Chandi. Owen, quit bothering Bele. Bele, don't squabble. Everybody is here for the same thing, if because of a different reason, and that at least should be enough to let us at least act just a little civilized."

Chastened, Nick retreated to a seat on the far side of the room and Fahlen pulled up a chair beside him. Owen sniffed and stuck his tongue out at Bele who bared his teeth back.

"Good," Kal decided, sitting between Bele and the other two demons. "And I'm going to sit right here to seperate you."

Bele smiled, Chandi shrugged, and Owen grinned. Then he grabbed the angel's butt.

Kal went very, very still for a moment and then suddenly whipped a flaming mallet out of nowhere and hammered Owen into the cushions so that only a hand and one leg stuck out.

Raising an eyebrow, Chandi asked, "A mallet?"

Cheeks slightly flushed, Kal put it back. "I never graduated to sword."

Owen rebounded into his previous position. "Heehee! That was kind of fun..."

Suddenly, the TV screen flickered to life and a silhouetted female figure appeared on it. An obviously computer enhanced voice spoke. "Hiho, everybody! Well, so the experiments to see how distracting a fic can be begin! If I can get you all to pass out with the pain, I'll broadcast it across the three planes and TAKE OVER! MWA HA HA HA HA!"

Nobody looked particulary impressed. "But," Owen piped up, "if a human was able to think of it, why should it bother angels or demons, who are created to bring out the good and bad sides of humans?"

The laughter stopped. "Shaddup. Okay, your first fic for the experiment is one I wrote myself in order to convince the cruel humans out there to send their fics along to aid my experiment and win a nice little banner I made just for their experimental fic. Feel free to rip it apart without any negative results... this time."

The figure faded from the screen and numbers appeared...






And the fanfic began.



Kal: Waff?

Bele: Warm and Fuzzy Feeling.

Kal: Like that sweater that girl at your work bought me?

Bele: Not exactly...

>Harukami's pathetic attempt at a Zetsuai/Bronze fic

Nick: Now that we know the Evil Overlord's identity, can we hunt her down and kill her?

Fahlen: *shocked* Nicky!

Chandi: *dry chuckle* Tempting, but we'd all regret it.

Owen: Isn't it a bad sign when the AUTHOR calls their fic pathetic?

Bele: Maybe she just knows herself really well?

Note: This is off the OAV storyline. I haven't seen the manga OR manga translation, so anything inaccurate to the manga should be ignored please, as long as it can fit with the OAVs.

Kal: Translation: I don't want to read almost twenty volumes of Japanese text, so I'll try to write something off two hours of film with an altered storyline instead.

Bele: *bemused* Hey, you're good...

Owen: Duh, stupid. He's an angel.

Kal: *twiddling fingers* Fallen angel.

Chandi: Yet somehow still a do-gooder.


Owen: AHHH! A RIVAL FOR CUTENESS! I... must... defend... role... of ... master... of... cute... blinkblinkblinkblinkblinkblink

Chandi: That's just nauseating.

Owen: You don't love me any more.


Nick: One egai? What is an egai?!

Fahlen: It's Japanese for please.

Nick: You know this HOW?

Kal: Angels and demons can speak any human language...

Nick: rolls eyes Of course. Can't understand why I'd think otherwise. Feh.

My hands do not shake as I raise the television converter

Kal: Converter? What's it converting to?

Bele: [converter] Hi, I was wondering if you were interested in my pocket religion? Here's a pamphlet. Can I come in?

and turn what is so painfully called 'modern entertainment' off.

Chandi: Painfully called entertainment or painfully called modern?

Owen: Painful in a moderately entertaining way?

Bele: Entertaining modern pain?

Nick: Modern pain entertainment?

Fahlen: gives Nick a 'be good' look

Chandi: Pain entertainment is anything but modern.

Nick: What the heck WAS the painful modern entertainment anyway?

Kal: MSTing?

Well. This was unexpected.

Owen: [speaker] My wife ran off with my boyfriend and sued me at the same time!

Nick: Next week on 'Jerry Springer'...

It should not have happened in this manner. I plan too well for that.

Chandi: fingers steepled before lips Excellent.

Fahlen: You do that disturbingly well...

Chandi: fingers still steepled before lips I see. We must use Rei.

Nick: freaked out I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away...

Apparently I have misjudged the situation, or at least the state of mind of his fans.

Bele: I give up, is the speaker a computer?

Owen: Naw, he's talking like that because of the spandex underwear he wears. Hey, it works with Aniki!

everybody looks at Chandi

Chandi: I deny any possibility of the previous statement's verity.

"This is not what I planned." Barely muttering the words, I rise from the leather sofa, pacing the spaceous room, feet settling silently into the carpet. I pause by the phone, carressing the soft plastic, debating.

Owen: ...whether or not to use it as a handy sex toy!

Kal: Eww....

I had believed we ourselves would have had to reveal the truth about his relationship with that new toy of his...

Bele: Except he revealed the truth of my relationship with my Ken doll first! Oh, the shame!

only to find, now, that he had done it himself.

Nick: ['he'] I'm running away with my Raggedy Ann.

In a series of music videos to his new album.


Bele: Dramatic tension?

they think about it

All: Nope.

He should not have been able to sing.

Chandi: ...after I ripped out his vocal cords with my teeth. smiles

Kal: moves closer to Bele

Nick: thoughtfully taking out a Sanguine Pasts CD, of which Owen and Chandi were two of the band members Actually, that not being able to sing thing reminds me of Owen.

Owen: HEY! I sing just fine! See? takes a deep breath "'cause you know I'm a material girl, living in a material world..."

Bele: shudders Madonna is NOT singing well, Owen.

Owen: Well, niaou to you too.

He should not have been willing to ruin the careers, lives even, of himself and his lover.

Fahlen: Oh, that wouldn't happen. Singing badly hasn't ruined OWEN's life.

Nick: snickers


Chandi: twitches


Kal: Stop right there...

And yet... somehow... he managed to break all the laws of what should have been, and come out more popular.

Kal: If it's what should have been, isn't it a theory, not a law?

Nick: I don't know, I skipped most of my Chem class.

Fahlen: shocked Nicky!

Nick: defensively David Miller kept throwing chalk at my head!

I shall never understand fans. What could possibly have made them like him more for this? They had certainly never liked his singing; it was garbage.

Owen: sings I'm only happy when it rains...

Chandi: Now THAT's Garbage.

Only his appearance could have drawn them so, as it had drawn so many. The misguided hope that they might some day be his lover.

Bele: [speaker, in a deep evil voice] Misguided... because the truth was that I castrated him one jealous night when I realized I would never have him for my own....

Owen: Naw, THAT was Ai no Kusabi.

Kal: sounding sort of surprised at the name Ai no Kusabi?

Owen: grins I'll lend it to you, angel-boy.

Now they find out that he is dirty, preferring men to women, and.... like him more.

Owen: It worked for Aniki and me! glomps Chandi

Chandi: ... remains expressionless

Kal: bemused This is dirty how?

Bele: taps his head Weird, weird humans and their weird, weird ideas.

Nick: Excuse me, I resemble that remark.

I am not sure I want to understand fans.

Fahlen: It's easy, see? You get a piece of paper and fold it up, then staple it at one end, and voila! Instant fan! It's not that difficult to understand!

Bele: Ah, but the question is why.

Fahlen: Because it's hot out and you want to cool down?

Bele: No, not 'why make a fan'... just... Why?

It should have disgraced him, ruined his life, so we could have dismissed him. Now... he is popular so we cannot dismiss him without looking as if we are in the wrong, yet his misbehaviour will still reflect upon us in business.

Bele: Funny, it never worked that way at MY work...

Kal: You're an advice columnst. You're EXPECTED to misbehave.

Father must be turning in his grave, with his favourite being the disgrace, being the one who is dirty, not either of us.

Owen: [speaker] Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I told you so!

My hand is on the phone, pressing buttons which glow slightly in the semi dark of the room.

Chandi: [speaker] However, I completely ignore the buttons that don't glow at all.

Fahlen: [speaker, continued] ...mainly because I can't find them.

One ring.



Owen: Look, mommy! I can count! One, two, three! Niaou!

He had better answer; this is his business line and if he does not, I will have to punish him, as his superior.

Kal: I'm confused. Is this the same 'he' as earlier?

Owen: [person being phoned] OH! YES, PUNISH ME! WHIP ME, BEAT ME, I'M YOURS TO ABUSE!

Chandi: [speaker] Down and lick my boots, slave!

Owen: Yes master... begins to move, then hesitates Can I lick something else instead?

Kal: whips out his flaming mallet Youtwostopthatrightnow!

Owen: cute grin


Nick: [golfer, cheezy English accent] Good swing, old chap! Now, where did the ball go?

Fahlen: [other golfer, equally cheezy accent] Why golly-be-gosh, I think it's in the sand pit.

He picks up. "Good evening. This is Nanjo Akihito." The telephone is expensive; barely any distortion mars his voice.

Bele: Mainly because his voice was terrible enough to begin with.

Kal: winces Ouch...

"Moshi moshi. Hirose desu." I begin without preamble.

Nick: Or translation, aparently.

Kal: He's basically saying, "Hello, it's Hirose."

Nick: Which would be fine if we knew who Hirose WAS!

Owen: Duh, man! It's the first person character!

Nick: sighs Hopeless...

"Are you near a television, Ototo?" I give him no honourific. He knows to deserve none from me.

Bele: They're siblings? Hmm, more similarity to Chandi.

Owen: Including the cute habit of referring to his younger brother without honourific, like you would call a lover! ^_^

Chandi: ...

Bele: Actually, it's probably an insult in both cases.

Owen: clings to Chandi's arm and smiles vacantly I love you, aniki.

There is the clear sound of him standing, shuffling papers, a chair creaking. "I am now, Aniki."

"The music channel, if you would."

Nick:... wear purple underwear?

Fahlen: ...fetch me a beer?

Owen: ...take me, right here right now!

Kal: I'll hope that he's pretending to be Hirose and just not look over at the two of them...

Owen: meows

A slight buzz as the television comes on, then the sound of channels changing.

All: Click, click, click...

Akihito, fool that he always will be, seems to feel the need to check everything between the channel he is on and the one he is reaching.

Nick: Gee, is that familiar? glares

Fahlen: I can't help it; human interactions are so INTERESTING and television is a prime example... right? smiles hopefully

"But Aniki, why the music station?"

"This is inappropriate for the family,"

Owen: [Hirose] So our relationship must remain secret a while longer!

Kal: Again, my eyes are focussed straight ahead and I am ignoring the strange shifting of the couch beside me...

I tell him. He does not know what I mean yet; he will. "It will reflect upon our business. Please contact someone further to learn more about this and we will decide what to do."

Bele: [Hirose] Preferably a relationship councillor.

Owen: cheerfully You know what they say!

Kal: A watched pot never boils?

Owen: Vice is nice but incest is best!

Chandi: Owen, if you would move your hand...

Owen: But Anikiiii....

Kal: phew

Chandi: ... up and to the left a little?

Kal: 00

Bele: It's okay, dear. They're just trying to worry you.

Owen: Oh, Aniki! giggle Do that again?

Kal: I'm still not looking.



Fahlen:... are you okay?

Nick: Sorry, suffering from point-of-view change.

The phone goes dead but that doesn't matter; that's just Hirose. My Aniki's been like that for as long as I remember. It's always the business for Hirose.

Owen: [Akihito] Even the sex. Even the sex is just business for Hirose. At least I have pocket money now...

Nick: That's just WRONG.

No matter; I'm Aniki's assitant, after all.

Bele: making quote signs with his fingers "Assistant".

The music channel. Some horrible so-called music that sounds like someone's tortured a cat.

Chandi: Mainly because they had.

Owen: [band member, wailing] NOOOO!!! FLUUUUFFYYYYYYY!!!!

A music video is accompanying it, and it takes me a second to recognize the person in the video as my younger disgrace of a brother,

Kal: He has difficulty recognizing his BROTHER?

Bele: Selective memory?

completely unlike my Aniki, before the scene in the video changes to one that makes my eyes bulge OUT!

Owen: And my pants bulge UP!

Koji, my dirty younger brother, clad only in pants with his head in the lap of that lower-class soccer player, who is naked and in some kind of bondage device.

Chandi: smiles slightly Oh, the memories...

Kal: to Bele WHY did we invite them?

Bele: We didn't. The Evil Overlord did.

Owen: Aniki, next time I get to be the one wearing the pants!

Kal: WAH!

Nick: deadpan I guess we know who wears the pants in the family...

I think my heart must have stuttered there.

Owen: Dd---ddd---dd---d---dd---

Bele: reaching around Kal to pound Owen on the back SPIT IT OUT!

Owen: Doki!

"Why did Hirose want me to see THIS?!" I can't help yelping aloud as it does a closeup to find Koji hugging his boy-toy's knee, the soccer player's face a mask of grief. Jee-sus.

Kal: No, I don't think the Lord ever did that... pause I mean, he was awfully close to that Magdalen girl, but...

Nick: covers ears I don't want to know, okay?! Some things shouldn't be touched!

Owen: And some things are made to be... grins

Chandi: What, now?

Kal: goes red and waves the flaming mallet warningly You two...

Bele: Forget the fic, I'm going to just sit back with the chips and watch THIS drama unfold!

Kal smites Bele soundly with the flaming mallet

Bele: Never mind...

Fahlen: amazed How did I get to KNOW you people?

Yes, Aniki, I did believe you when you said they had a physical relationship, believe it or not, though it's difficult to think of Father's little darling as queer.

Not really that difficult at that.

Chandi: Clearly Akihito has a slight difficulty in making his mind up.

Owen: [Akihito] Yes it is! No, wait, no it isn't. It is, it is! It is NOT! Is toooo....

The Koji in the video's now in front of a microphone, wearing chains, stroking the stand, and singing lyrics I really don't want to hear; what have I done that Aniki wants to force this on me?

Nick: to Owen Too easy, don't bother.

Owen: Niaou? cutely

This is inappropriate for the family. It will reflect upon the business.

Fahlen: Why is the room going all wavy and echoy?

Nick: pats his guardian's knee It's all right, it's just a flashback.

I see! Hirose hadn't been discussing something I did.... he was referring to this video...but....

Owen: This video butt? grins

The scene on the tv switches to an announcer, and I listen closer. He is discussing... how... that disgrace's popularity's actually GONE UP?! That's just... SICK!

Bele: Well, something went up.

Owen: Alternitely, someone had gone down.

they grin at each other

Kal: looks at Chandi

Chandi: shrugs expressively

Kal: nods sympathetically

And Aniki needs my help in finding out more to help fix this family dishonour.

Hirose needs me.


Fahlen: musing Actually, he reminds me of Owen.

Owen: blinks Niaou? What's THAT supposed to mean?! Aniki! Hit him! ANIKIIII! Pay attention to me! Chandi! Aniki! Aniki!

Chandi: You don't need to deafen me, Owen.

Owen: Oh. Yeah. grins cutely Don't be mad at me, I'm cute!

Chandi: slaps him

Owen: puts his hand to his cheek Oniichan...

Kal: musing Why do I get the feeling that there's a joke going on here I don't know about?

Owen: pats Kal's shoulder I'll lend you the manga...

Bele: You're sharing?

Owen: I'll lend him to doujinshi too. evil grin

Kal: ?

Wasn't there some model or actress or something Koji used to be lovers with? I snort.... there were many, of course, to Aniki's irritation and mine as well. But there was one in particular... much older than him, who was clearly rather obsessed with the little slut. I

Chandi: Look, Owen, they're talking about you.

Owen: beams I'm touched!

Nick: muttering In the head...

can't remember her name, but I have her phone number, something Hirose required of me before to keep tabs on Koji's activities, disgrace as he always was, though we never knew how much. I'm digging through files, quickly, to find it, and pull out the document with the lists of needed phone numbers. Her picture, and her number.

Bele: Number - sixty nine.

Kal: And while we're on the subject of 'in poor taste', how long ago did you buy these potato chips, Bele? I think they're stale.


I dial and wait impatiently.

One ring.

Two rings.

She picks up before the third ring. "Hello?"

Nick: [Akihito] Hi, I'm here to see if you're interested in buying a set of used encyclopedias... DAMN IT WHO SWITCHED MY CUE CARDS?!

Fahlen: smiles embarrassedly Sometimes you worry me.

"This is Nanjo Akihito, Nanjo Koji's older brother," I tell her. Have to establish this before she decides I'm not worth her time, but I still have to sound polite; I don't want to disappoint Aniki.

Chandi: [Hirose] I'm disappointed in you, Akihito.

Owen: [Akihito] But I said PLEASE before I hit him with the car!

Everyone else: ??

Her voice is very attractive, softening almost immediately. "Ah, my boy of fire.

Kal: Wouldn't that hurt?

Bele: musing I guess he really does have a hot ass...

How is he?"

That throws me for a loop. She didn't KNOW?! "I beg your pardon?"

Fahlen: [nameless woman] Sorry, I'm going to give my pardon to a charity instead.

Nick: [homeless Akihito] Okay, can I beg your money instead?

"I have stopped paying attention to the news since he lost his voice. How is he?"

"Fully recovered, back in the music business, and back in love, apparently." Love... how

Bele: Yes, it's that crazy little thing called love... throws his arm over Kal's shoulders

Kal: ...?

hateful to use that term. There is no love in his relationship with that boy, desire, perhaps, but there can't be any love in something like that. Even Hirose said so.

Nick: And we all know that he worships Hirose.

Owen: [Akihito] Aniki, would you prefer a sacrifice of a chicken or a goat?

"Back in love?" Her voice has tightened; I've clearly caught her attention. Aniki would be proud.

Chandi: [Hirose] I'm proud of you, Akihito. Now, if only you could catch the attention of the people you were trying to sell to. I should never have placed you in marketing...

"Yes. I have to admit," I lower my voice, trying to sound as if I'm sharing a secret between just the two of us, "that my older brother and I aren't too pleased with the situation; you were a perfect match for him and this boy can't be half as good."

Owen: bed.

"Boy?!" Alarm is in her voice now. The woman spurned.

Kal: Hate to ask this, but wasn't she spurned BEFORE?

Bele: Well, yes, but it's got to be crushing to the ego to know that someone who is apparently a womanizer finds a man more attractive than you...

I sigh. "I'm afraid so. You can catch sight of them on the music channel." It's currently showing some futuristic gothic music video, also with the two of them in it. "Please, any information you can find on how to stop this unnatural relationship would be most

Fahlen: Unnatural relationship? Is he talking about his toys again?

Nick: Well, Barbie's Younger Sister Tracy IS underage...

welcome by my older brother and I. We will support you in your ventures... as one who should be family."

"I'll look into it. Sayonara." She cuts the communication.

Bele: It's my birthday today so I get to cut the communication!

Just wait, Aniki. I'll get you what you want.

Owen: [Akihito, thoughtfully] Now, would he prefer me in the red or the violet?

Kal: I'm not even going to ask.


Fahlen: You're right, that IS kind of disorienting...

My hand tightens around the disconnected phone, forgotten.

Kal: 00 She forgot her HAND?

This video... this is the lover my boy's brother

Bele: blinks Who's on first?

spoke of? What could Koji SEE in him? He wasn't good looking, he did not appear cultured, his eyes were angry.

Owen: But that's such a turnon! Rowr!

I am beautiful, and I am not willing to let my boy go.

Nick: And if she were any more stereotyped, she'd be made of cardboard.

Owen: Surprisingly, all of Ozaki's women are like that...

The events of this video is shocking.

Bele: I knew I should have fixed the wiring before something bad happened!

Kal: The grammar makes my head hurt...

Owen: grins Just wait until you read a BAD fanfic. Something by Oscar, maybe.

Chandi: Oscar's writing even worries me...

Odd enough that Koji chooses himself to represent the ultimate evil; stomach churning that he chose this boy-lover of his to be the ultimate good

Nick: Not really, if Koji's the disgrace everyone says he is...

-- but how could they do THAT in a music video that would be shown to the world?!

Chandi: No sense of modesty or shame. Just like Owen.

Owen: eyes fill with tears That has to be the sweetest thing you've ever said to me, Aniki...

It is a disgrace! To his family, to himself, and...

To me.

To the woman once his lover.

Bele: [nameless woman] Excuse me, Koji? I have a huge delivery of jealousy to drop on you...

I told him once I would never let anyone take him from me, and I intend to keep my promise. So much the better if his family supports me in this; he will have nowhere to turn.

I am not a good woman to make an enemy, Koji.

Kal: However, I am a good woman to make an enemy OF.

But I cannot just barge in; it would affect nothing. I must make him pay, slowly and carefully. And I need information for that.

One person to call; the boy his friend who I believe approved of me

Owen: eyes go swirly Lack of sense ... hurting... head.... niiiaooouuu....

.... at any rate, it must be better than THIS, to his mind.


Kal: Isn't that a city in Japan?

I have to look up the number, but it is not too difficult to find; I am ALWAYS orderly.

One ring.

Two rings.



Fahlen: sings One, two, three! Four, five, six! Seven, eight, nine! Ten, eleven, twelve! Ladybugs... at the ladybugs' picnic!

Nick: disbelieving You watch Sesame Street?

Fahlen: blinks innocently Yes. Why?

How dare he make me wait?


He picks up on the sixth, cutting it off. "Shabuya Katsumi here."

Kal: I thought his name was Shibuya?

Bele: Shh.

I introduce myself, trying to make my voice warm despite the anger surging through my veins, and finish by asking how Koji is doing.

Nick: Is it just me or did Harukami actually FORGET the lady's name?

Damn him.

Shabuya pauses audibly. "He's fine."

This is getting me nowhere quickly. "I heard he had a new lover, and speaking as one who cares strongly for him, wanted to know if he's happy."

Owen: Pfft.

Chandi: Pathetic.

Another pause. How DARE he dissect my words?! "He is very happy."

Did I mean so little to you, then, Koji?! Oh, you will pay. "What is the boy's name?"

It doesn't matter if he doesn't tell me; the news MUST be abuzz with this. Shabuya clearly realizes this, sighing and then speaking.


Owen: dryly Not like it's an uncommon Japanese name or anything.

Not his full name; no matter. I can find it out. "Well, I'm glad he's happy. So he's recording again?"

Where can I find you, you bastard?!

"BRONZE was his last album, I'm afraid," Shabuya tells me, something like resignation in his voice.

I chuckle. "But with his increase in popularity, I'm sure he'll change his mind."

Chandi: Oh yes, the allure of the fangirls.

Nick: glare

Chandi: Take Nicholas's easily manipulated sister, for example. Well, I did.

Fahlen, Kal, and Bele forceably restrain Nick while Owen rolls around on the sofa laughing.


"Will you contact me if he does so?"

"I'll try."

Does he have to be so damn non-commital?! "Is there any place I can see him again? I feel it's only right to wish him the best. His brothers agree."

Bele: returning to his seat How inconspicuous.

My boy, how could you turn your fire upon another?

Wariness has filled Shabuya's tone. "Sorry, I don't know, but I'll tell him you're looking for him."

This is wasting my time. "No bother. Thanks for your time." I hang up before he can respond.

Damn all of you. I'll get back at you, Koji... if I can't have your fire, nobody can.

Owen: Pyromania... it's FUN! digs around for a set of matches and is smited by Kal's flaming mallet


Nick: Captain, point of view switch has been detected. Shall I put it on screen?

Fahlen: Make it so.

Damn, damn, damn, damn DAMN!

Chandi: Well. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Kal: covering ears Eee... bad words...

I knew his womanizing habits would get him in trouble one of these days!

Owen: Well, you know what they say!

Nick: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

Chandi: Yes it does.

Nick: ...

Owen: Well, that too, I guess.

Kal: I fear to ask.

Owen: "Incest! A game the whole family can play!" begins to grope Chandi again

Bele: ignoring the freaking Angel on the seat next to him, muses Was that relevant in any way?

I sigh, drumming my fingers on the table. Why is it that whenever it seems Izumi and he are finally going to be happy and in peace, something happens to mess it up? Is it

Fahlen: The wrath of evil, evil fanfic authors?

Owen: Heck no. squirms in Chandi's lap In this case it's actually the wrath of evil, evil manga artists.

absolutely necessary for me to have to interfere every few seconds to make sure things happen the way they should?! One would think Koji's old enough to take care of himself!

Bele: [Koji] Uh, Izumi... I wet the bed again.

Old enough... but not used to feeling. I know that. That's one of the reasons it's so damn hard to deal with, yet I keep dealing with it.

Minamimoto had been a mistake in the beginning. All she'd ever been for him had been a moment of dalliance, but everyone could see how possessive she had been. Plus a megastar like her was always in the spotlight. And if she's sided with Koji's brothers...

Kal: attempting to sound spooky and failing miserably It could only mean...

Bele: The reemergance of the Spice Girls!

Owen: So tell me what you want, what you really really want!

Chandi: idly pushes Owen onto Kal

Kal: AHHHH! I DON'T WANT HIM! passes him to Bele

Owen: ... You're not my Aniki.

Never let it be said that Koji liked walking the safe path. He certainly STRIKES a person as a cautious, reasoning person... at least, he does so if you don't actually know the real him.

Kal: That grammar HURTS...

One of these days I'll get you back, Koji, for all the trouble I've gone through on your behalf.

Including this.

Bele: How cute.

Kal: It really is very sweet... sniffles

Bele: smiles at Kal You do have such a sweet heart.

Kal: Bele...

Bele: Kal...

pink fuzzy stuff fills the air and bubbles float by as sparkles surround the two

Owen: Ooh! Cotton candy! eats the pink fuzzy stuff Ew... that was love fuzzies...

Nick: chanting softly I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I do NOT want to know...

I raise the phone again, pressing star 6 for the automated dial.

Kal: Bele...

Bele: Kal...

One ring.


I wait for it. He always...

On the third ring, Koji picks up. "Nanjo Koji."

"Yo. Forget saying 'Hi' or 'Can I help you', name's enough, huh?" I know him well enough now not to have to introduce myself.

Owen: idly smacks the lovers with the chip bowl Yeah. Katsumi has no life. Like some renegade demon and fallen angel I know.

Nick: Hey, I was wondering... if Kal fell to be with Bele and Bele sorta semi-abandoned his post to 'corrupt' humans through his advice column but is still considered a renegade... does that mean Bele fell up?

Fahlen: Hush.

Owen: I once fell up an escalator...

I can hear the smile in his voice. "I'm not a business store, Shabuya."

Kal: recovering his senses after the massive sugar high afforded by the pink and now suspicious fuzzies Where did THAT come from?

Bele: [Shibuya] Sure ya are, Koji! Now, about that order of really crappy clothing you said you'd get in for me?

"You dress like one. Say, Koji, I've got to talk to you. Where's Izumi?"

A slightly surprised pause. "Shinjuku. His ex-soccer coach called him for a conference... they're considering taking him back since the team practically collapsed without him." Smugness lingers in his tone; one of his less attractive features. Though I suppose

Owen: Something about Koji isn't attractive? Wooowwww....

knowing that your lover will pick you over something he bases his life around is something to be smug about.

"Damn. You'll need to pass this on to him then. Minamimoto's digging into your life."

All: <>make digging motions

"Oh? Minamimoto? How is she?"

I snort. "Jealous as a spoiled child lacking candy. Hell, she always was possessive."

Chandi: Hell usually is.

"She wouldn't try anything."

"Not on her own, maybe. She's been talking to the elder Nanjos."

Nick: Dum-dum-dum!

Fahlen: What? Is that bad-guy-music I hear? Must be the Nanjos!

Koji curses expressively. Maybe I should take notes... "To my brothers?"

"Know any other Nanjos?"

Owen: No, but there's this Sakurazukamori who's surprisingly similar...

Nick: Huh?

Owen: I'll tell you when you're older.

All: ...

Owen: giggles and SDs I've always wanted to say that...

"Shit. Did you tell her anything?"

I shake my head, whether he could see it or not.

Kal: I don't know how talented this Koji guy is, but I'm sure he can't see over the phone.

"Nothing she couldn't find out on her own, and nothing the brothers don't know already. I'm neither insane nor stupid, Koji."

Bele: [Shibuya] My fashion sense, however, is both.

Nick: Actually, Ian, yours really is.

Bele: What do you mean?! Leather and red high heels is in!

Chandi: 'Ian'?

Kal: It's Bele's working name here on Earth. Ian Bell.

Owen: Belean. Ian Bell. I seeeee....

Chandi: Owen, I'm losing circulation.

Owen: giggles

He sighs. "Well, thank you for informing me, Shabuya. By the way, I'm working on a new song."

Heh, I knew he couldn't stay away. Music is to him what soccer is to Izumi. It says all the things he can't say in words to the world. "That's great, Koji! What's it called?"

Owen: [Koji] "Katsumi is a Gullable Dumbass." falls over laughing at his own genius

All: ...

Fahlen: stuck on repeat How DID I get to KNOW you people?!

"Suffocation." He chuckles, as if it is an inside joke. Probably is. Hell, most of his songs are. Just look at Katsuai or Zetsu-20XX. And boy, taping the music videos for those was interesting. I had no idea that Izumi was the actor he is. Or maybe he wasn't acting.

Owen: Hey, when this is over can I play 'Scapegoat'?

Kal: Uh, I guess...

Chandi: I'm sorry, but hearing Koyasu Takehido orgasm isn't really my idea of fun. Not if he isn't there, at least.

Owen: I kinda like the saxaphone line...

Well, no doubt this music video will be just as interesting to tape. I can see Toshiyuki nosebleeding already as he attempts not to watch but claiming duty as manager to do so.

"I look forward to it." The microwave buzzes lightly, my dinner's ready. "Gotta eat, so

Bele: Instant Miso! cheezy grin Available in corner stores everywhere.

Kal: I don't understand you, but I love you.

fuzzy stuff with bubbles and sparklies

Bele: Kal...

Kal: Bele... I'm heading off now. Don't get in too much trouble."

He chuckles again. "What, don't do anything you wouldn't do?"

Owen: [Koji] But unlike you, I'm getting laid. I'm not giving that up.

"Feh, like that would have any effect on you. Oh, by the way, I can hear that you're smoking." The soft sighs are a dead giveaway. "Stop that or you'll ruin your voice and then you won't have to worry about your brothers, Toshiyuki'll get you first. Ja."

Owen giggles madly and Chandi snorts

Owen: Oh yeah, the rabid manager of doom. He gets as far as threatening Koji with, "I've got a pile of paperwork and I know how to use it!" before his nerves make him take a lie down.

Nick: I don't think it's fair having to MST a fic based on a series I haven't seen.

Fahlen: Next time, let's get briefed.

Owen: Better yet, debriefed. leers

Nick: WHAT?!

Fahlen: innocent But I don't wear briefs...

I cut the connection and retrieve my dinner, sighing.

Koji, you idiot, don't let people get between you two again. I'm sick of rescuing you.

Nick: [Katsumi] Oh great, artificial respiration again.

Fahlen: What?

Nick: Mouth-to-mouth.

Fahlen: blushes Oh....

Bele: Kal...

Kal: Bele...


Kal and Bele: AHHH! STARS! both cling in terror as the fuzzy stuff disappates

Well, this is heavy news.

Fahlen: Do you have a place I can put this news? I swear, it's thrown my back out or something...

Owen: Oooh, I don't think any backs Koji's going to be throwing out would be his own...

Returning the phone to its cradle, I turn back to my songwriting, but my heart isn't in it. I light up another cigarette, then think of Shabuya's words. Toshiyuki wouldn't dare hurt me, but I wouldn't put it past Shabuya to try.

Owen: And here's a dumb show to show how TRY is the operative term! stands and drags Chandi up with him, mimes a kick to the nads

Chandi: grabs Owen's foot easily, swings him ever so lightly to impact with the wall with a painful sounding crunch, sits down again

Owen: sliding down the wall Yeah. TRY.

Besides, Izumi hates my bad habit of smoking.

Looks like I'm outnumbered.

I put the cigarette out in an ashtray and pour myself a drink of whiskey. Izumi hates that habit too, but it helps me think.

Kal: But drinking makes minds fuzzy!

Bele: My guess is Koji is most comfortable when his mind feels pickled in cotton.

Fahlen: Can you DO that? I mean, don't you need brine?

Hirose. Akihito. Minamimoto.

Owen: Dr. Scott! Janet! Dr. Scott! Brad! Rocky! urggg...

Actually, seems like I'm always outnumbered.

Chandi: So I guess it's time for a massacre. pulls a nasty looking weapon out of nowhere and smiles

Kal: yoinks out the flaming mallet Don't make me use this, foul demon!

Owen: Aniki's not really foul...

I take a sip of the whiskey, relishing the way it burns the back of my throat. Wonderful cold fire.

Like his eyes.

Nick: Okay, he's obsessing.

Owen: Well, the whole PLOT of Zetsuai is him obsessing, actually.

Yes, I'm definately returning to singing. Some words that sound too dramatic aloud sound right when sung, thankfully, or I'd never be able to tell him.

Tell him. I check the clock. 9:30. He should be at his hotel by now. I'd better tell him. I don't want to worry him, but Hirose already tried kidnapping him once. Who knows what he'll do next time?

Owen: Maybe he'll rape him like in the manga!

Fahlen: Nick, you are never reading that.

Nick: You're my guardian angel, not my legal guardian.

Since his intended plans didn't go off right, he certainly won't just let us walk away this time.

I phone the hotel and ask for his room.

Kal: Unfortunately, it was already taken. By him.

Thankfully, they don't identify my voice. They did once before and it was hell to get off the phone then.

Chandi: Hot and slightly sulpherous?

One ring.

Two rings.





Maybe he's not in yet?

Bele: Oh yes, Koji the super genius.


The phone is snatched up, and Izumi's voice, breathless, answers. "Izumi Takuto here."

Kal: AHH! What order is the names going?

Owen: Actually, his family name is Izumi.

Kal: But...

"Izumi." I need no other words to be identified.

"Koji! Were you phoning me the whole time?"

What does that mean? "Hmm?"

"I just walked in the door, and the phone was ringing. First time, calling, then?" His

Fahlen: You put that extra comma back where you found it, young man!

voice is still breathless; it must be elation rather than exhaustion from the cheerful tone of his words. "You've got great timing."

I close my eyes, listening to his voice, cradling the phone against my ear. I love his voice almost as much as his eyes. So expressive when he wants it to be. So very much him. I cradle the phone against my cheek, against my ear.

Chandi: I can see he truly enjoys cradling that phone.

Nick: Well, he DOES do it twice in the same paragraph.

"How did it go?" I want to be with him.

"They're taking me back!" He laughs at the end of the sentance, on the ecstatic end of hysterical. "They have decided that I won't, quote, be a disgrace to the team, unquote... meaning, of course, that they need me. Hell, you saw in the paper what happened to their winning streak when I left."

Owen: I once had a winning streak.

Kal: Oh?

Owen: Yes, it was at the Ninth Level of Hell Sexy Demon Contest...

Kal: looks really disturbed You won all contests?

Bele: No, he took his clothes off and ran around naked. It was really gross.

Chandi: The judges loved it.

Bele: I still wonder why half the judges were incubuses and succubuses...

"Aa. They've always needed you. You're amazing." He is, and in more ways than one.

"Thank you."

He is docile, the happiness clenching inside him like a second heart, beating. I want to

Kal: That's rather romantic...

Bele: In a slightly cheezy way.

Kal: gives Bele a Look I'm not talking to you anymore.

Bele: >.<

be with him. I want him to share that happiness with me.

I am hopeless; I have known that for over a year now. Just thinking about him makes my chest hurt and my breathing stop comming, suffocating. If he has two hearts now, I have only one, and it is him.


Owen: sings dakishimeru to fui ni kieteyuku yuki murasaki no sora kara futtekuru... zetsubo...

Chandi: I thought I wanted you to stick to original lyrics?

Owen: ;_; But aniikiii...

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." I don't want to ruin his enjoyment, but... can I afford not to say it? "Izumi..."

Nick: Oh, yeah, having the person in love with me say my name always ruins my enjoyment too.

Fahlen: very, very quietly It does?

Nick: Not really. I mean, nobody's in love with me.

Fahlen:...of course not.

Kal, Bele, Chandi, and Owen all look at each other disbelivingly

Owen: rolls around on Chandi's lap, laughing

Chandi: >.<

Bele: I'm glad you and I aren't like that.... takes Kal's hands

Kal: forgets his determination to ignore Bele Oh, Bele...

Bele: Kal...

A pause. "Damn, something's gone wrong." The happiness has fled his tone, and it makes the ache inside me grow that much stronger. Why do I always ruin his happiness? "What is it?"

Owen: [Koji] Well, you know your little sister? I'm afraid that I...


Fahlen: shocked Nicky!

I sigh, the only expression of my pain at his pain that I can give, and take a deep gulp of my whiskey. "Nothing, yet."

"Damn you, Koji, don't toy like this. What WILL go wrong?"

Owen: You will be written into another 10 manga as the intended victim for abuse and rape scenes. pause I also see that you have recently met a tall dark stranger?

"I'm not sure anything will." I can hear, feel even, him get angry, and hasten to continue. I am tired of being the cause of his anger. "It's just... considering that my brothers were counting on the unveiling of our relationship ruining both our lives, how do you think they're responding to our increased popularity?"

"Not well. Have they done anything?"

Chandi: [Koji] No, NOTHING's happened YET.

Owen: But that tall dark stranger...

"They have been researching into what's going on in our lives by using a woman I used to..." I pause, trying to waltz around the issue without directly lying, "know."

Bele: snapping out of the love fuzzies Know as in the biblical sense?

Kal: mutters I hate that stupid human book...

"Minamimoto." He sighs.

That was... odd. "Yes... but ... how did you...?"

"Give me some credit for not being blind nor stupid, Koji. The media HAD printed rumours even a year ago and Shabuya's mentioned her in passing. God knows you haven't been the most monogamous creature in existance."

Owen: [Izumi] The fact that I saw some of the porns you starred in with her didn't help.

Nick: Why would he leave those lying around the house where anybody could find them?

Fahlen: sternly Which reminds me, I need to talk to you about that Bordello of Blood video I saw under the TV the other day...

Nick: Uhhh.... It was, uh, a gift?

It hurts. Even now, it hurts.


Chandi: winces Owen, shut up.

"Izumi... I haven't been..."

"I wasn't implying that you still are." There is a slightly smug tone in his voice, and I begin to laugh. "What are you laughing at?"

I can't stop laughing. "Feeling possessive?"

Nick: [Izumi, zombie voice] YeS. I wANt To EAt yOuR bRaIN.... what?

"Shut up." He snorts. "Well... if that's all, this IS long distance."

I take another drink, still grinning. "Izumi, I'm rich."

"Oh yeah. Forgot. Still, it's getting late."

Late? We've stayed up later.

All: catcalls and whistles

"Is it?"

"I'm getting up at five tomorrow to demonstrate to the team that they didn't make a bad choice during practice, so it's late enough."

Of course. I was thinking of myself again. "Sorry."

Bele: [Izumi] You should be, you self-absorbed son of a bitch...

Nick: Why're you talking about Chandi, Ian?

Chandi: narrows eyes Want to die, human?

"Just glad you called. At least this time I know you didn't get into another accident."

I wince. "No accidents."

Owen: [Koji] Okay, I did wet the bed once...

"Good. I'll just go then." He pauses, and neither of us hang up. "Um, Koji?"

I choke down hope. I have only ever heard the words from his throat once. "Yes?"

A longer pause. "Thank you for phoning."

All: boo and hiss

The disappointment is expected. I've told him my love enough that he is assured of that, at least. The words don't need to be there for it to be true. I know that. "When can I call you tomorrow?"

Chandi: [Izumi] You can't. I'm poisoning myself tonight.

"Oh, please, Koji." He snorts. "I'm taking the bullet train back as of dinner time."

I shrug, though he can't see me, and tell him the truth. "I don't want to wait to hear from you again."

Owen: I don't want to wait to get fu-- gets smited by the flaming mallet

Kal: And remember that.

He pauses. "I'll come back to my hotel room for lunch."

It is enough, that he will do even that when he could be spending time with his team. "All right. I love you, Izumi."

"I know. Talk to you tomorrow."

All: boo and hiss

The phone goes dead, and I replace it in the hanger.

Fahlen: Police, I'd like to report the murder of a phone...

One day, I'll get him to say those words again.

Bele: [Koji] Come on... say it... say it...

Kal: [Izumi] I won't! Can't make me!

Bele: Bet I can!

Kal: Bet you can't!

Bele goes in for a kiss

Owen: Hey, how come they're allowed to do it and we're not?!

Bele: comes up for air Hey, it is our apartment...

Kal: smacks Bele Pervert! Not in public!

Bele: I can't win...

But until then... I think I'll have another drink.

Chandi: emotionlessly And another. And another. And another.

Owen: Better be a damn big drink.


Owen: swirly eyed Did anybody get the liscence plate of that point of view change?

I stare at the hotel phone. Hirose and Akihito again.

Nick: kindly No, it's a telephone.

Well, at least they haven't taken actions yet. And this time, I'll be prepared.


Kal: ffsshhhhttt...

Soccer really helps in learning martial arts, I've learned. Certainly, they may be masters, but they won't be expecting me to fight back, so that might save me.

I realize that my hand's still on the cool plastic of the phone and pull it back.

Bele: Wait, I've got two hands of my own already... this must be Minamimoto's.

Kal: Did she forget it AGAIN?! Forget her own head next...

Why do I find it so hard to communicate with him? Say those words? I feel them, but I can't say them.

Owen: begins tracing Kanji on Chandi's hand

Chandi: glares and smacks him upside the head

"Why do I have to love him so much?"

Fahlen: Stop the flashback, I wanna get off...

I don't want to blame it on my mother. It probably is true, but she's affected my life enough. Why can't it ever end?

Nick: Huh? Mother? What?

I try saying the words. "I love you too, Koji." They come out sounding hollow and scared.

Like me.

Kal: Izumi's hollow? Ewww....

It doesn't matter. I can say them any time.

Bele: sniffling I can stop any time I want to...

I don't have to say them yet. His brothers may be trying to stop it, but there's only so much they can do. I will have the rest of my life with him.

Chandi: However short that is.

Sure, it will NOT be easy. I learned very quickly that nothing about Koji was ever simple; he took my life and turned it upside down,

Owen: mimes turning something upside down and shaking Hmm, any nickles in your life pocket?

mostly because I couldn't stop thinking about him.

I still can't.

I'm hopeless, I guess, but there are probably worse things to be.

Fahlen: Like... Koji?

See, I know that we're both hopeless. I've seen it in his eyes, that same thing I feel. Heard it in his music. We don't need words to communicate. We don't need words, or sound, or sight even. Because we feel the same.


Chandi: picks Owen up and places him on the ground And stay there until you learn to obey me.

I don't need to say it to tell him I love him.


Kal: blinks That's IT?!

Bele: Rather anticlimactic...

Nick: Wait, there's more!

Author's notes: Well, this is my first Zetsuai/BRONZE fic and I don't know if I'll do another.

All: cheer

It's very difficult to do a story with pre-established yaoi characters. I hope it turned out okay. Oh, just so you know, for some reason Koji calls Izumi and Shabuya by their family names; I don't know why. The names weren't mis-ordered.

Chandi: However, they were misspelled.

Zetsubo=obsessive, hopeless. The root of Zetsu-Ai.

Nick: So NOW you give the translation!






The screen went blue for a brief instant before the Overlord's face reappeared. "WELL! So how did you like THAT little tidbit?"

Nick crossed his arms. "You're digging for complements, aren't you?"

She made a face. "Shaddup. Okay, right now I'm waiting for people to want their fics MSTed. I've gotten requests before."

"Lucky you," Bele murmured.

"Whatever," she waved a hand dismissively. "When they do email me at with comments or requests for MSTings, I hope they tell me which of you they want MSTing."

Kal perked up. "We don't all have to do this?"

"You might. I want a minimum of four, at least." She began to laugh maniacally. "MWA HA HA HAHAH A HAHAHAHAH!"

Owen stuck a finger in his ear and swivled it a few times. "Hate to point this out, but we've repaid the only debt we had to you. We don't need to do this any more."

The face on the screen grinned evilly. "Oh, really? Well, I've talked to your masters and perminantly contracted you out... both good and evil. Your masters really like the idea."

Chandi's brows darkened. "Excuse me." He vanished in a puff of brimstone and sulpher.

"That smells so bad," Nick muttered. "Anyway, even if THEY are contracted out, I don't have to do this."

"Oh? You'd let your poor Guardian Angel go at it alone? AND, by the way, I've learned where to contact your sister and send her over for surprise visits..."

"You're EVIL!"

The Evil Overlord preened. "I am, aren't I?"

Chandi reappeared, slightly pale and wearing his robes, and in full demon form with pointed ears poking out through his long hair and long leathery tail whipping back and forth agitatedly. "Damn. She has, too."

Kal sniffled. "This is just too cruel."

The Evil Overlord looked slightly ashamed. "I'm sorry, Kal... but it helps you experience the human world more! You'd like that, right?"

"I guess..."

"Good!" She nodded once. "It's settled then. Be prepared to be called at any time! Oh, and this tape will self destruct in five seconds so I'd get it out of the VCR..."

Bele yelped and dived for the machine, yanking the tape out in time. HOlding it safely, he sighed in relief.

"Uh, Bele..." Kal whispered, large-eyed.

The tape exploded, leaving a slightly crispy Bele to fall into Kal's arms. "Owiee..."

Owen stretched. "Well. That was vaguely entertaining... hey, we still have some chips left."

Nick struggled free from Fahlen's post-explosion protective embrace. "Your point?"

"Well, I've got this video with me, Fish in the Trap..."

Lovingly brushing ash off the recovering Bele, Kal looked over through a white waterfall of hair that had worked free of its ponytail. "We can watch it if you'd like. What's it about?"

"Oh, these two guys who do stuff..." Owen grinned wickedly, moving over to the VCR. "I'm sure you'll find it an 'experience of the human world'..."

He pressed play.


Ugh. You are sick, disturbed people. Take me HOME!