MST of 'Gradual Madness'


*Miss Nightfall sits not in her usual green plastic chair but rather in the black faux leather couch, a bag of chocolate chips at her elbow and the remote control in her hand. Sitting on the couch with her is Xelloss Mettalium, grinning happily and the infamous Lina Inverse. Zelgadis sits on the floor, stealing a few chocolate chips every now and then.*

Miss N: Well! We're all here then?

Xelloss: Yessum. ^_^

Zel: What exactly are we doing anyway? I thought all your ramblings took place in front of your computer. And you hardly ever have Lina in them. The REAL Lina, I mean.

Miss N: That's because we're not doing a rambling today! I am going to do my very first MST of a fic!

Zel: *groans, remembering the many times he's had to MST with other people and the hell THAT was. Especially that time Harukami left him and the others stranded on Wolf Pack Island with the fruitcake and his voluptuous, beautiful, well-endowed mistress…*

Xelloss: *grins as Zel grabs for a handkerchief* What exactly are we MSTing today?

Miss N: Well, uh, actually it's a fic written from YOUR point of view, Xel.

Lina: Suddenly this seems so much more appealing.

Miss N: *hits the play button and tosses back a few chocolate chips* Here we go!

Gradual Madness

Zel: What's with the 'I am slowly going crazy' stuff at the top of the page?

Xelloss: It's a song! It goes 'I am slowly going crazy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16…

Miss N: It's designed to make others as nuts as you.

Xelloss: …17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27….

Zel: Ah.

Xelloss: ….28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39…

Zel: *whacks Xelloss in the face without glancing around*

Xelloss:…. Thank you.


Have you ever felt your mind slip…?


Zel: Have you ever felt your feet slip? And then you fall on your ass?

Lina: Have you ever seen Amelia slip? And fall on HER ass? 


Tell you something boys and girls: I am no longer strictly sane. Oh, some would argue that I've never been anything but bonkers, but even if that were the case I can still honestly say that I am not as stable as I once was. I think I've managed to hold onto my marbles fairly well over the years and that in itself is pretty impressive but I can't deny that things are starting to come untethered.


Zel: See, he admits he's a fruitcake.

Lina: And who said you've held onto your marbles at all, Xelloss?

Xelloss: *holds up a bag filled with little round glass things* They're right here, see?


It's quite a strange sensation, having one's sanity slip away like an elusive spring breeze.


Lina: Is a spring breeze elusive?

Zel: One would think a breeze in the summer would be more so.

Xelloss: Bum to the breeze….

Miss N: Hush now!


I'm not a raving lunatic, not yet anyway,


Zel: Oh sure you are. Admit it.

Lina: If he wasn't raving we wouldn’t have much of a fic.


but I'm starting to come unhinged a little. I guess it's understandable, given my age and all, but it's also quite disconcerting. You have no idea… I can almost tangibly feel my mind grotesquely slip sometimes; disclosing a frightening tear in my soul where Nothing swirls in lazy black loops.


Zel: Huh?

Lina: How can Nothing swirl? It's nothing!!!

Xelloss: I think it's supposed to be a creepy image. Imagine the shock of actually SEEING Nothing…

Zel: Wow, your mind is fucked up, fruitcake.


It's hard to hang onto your wits after years and years of a constant bombardment of sensation. Mazoku don't really need sleep you know so life is a continuous assault on the brain with not so much as a brief respite. I'm starting to see what happened to Deep Sea…


Lina: *looks at Xelloss* What exactly DID happen to Deep Sea Dolphin?

Miss N: And what kinda name is that for a Dark lord anyway?

Zel: Does this mean that Deep Sea just went nuts from old age?

Xelloss: Sore wa-- *he is pelted with chocolate chips before he can finish*


I don't even remember how old I am anymore.


Zel: *sarcastically* Poor baby, now we can't give you birthday presents every year.

Xelloss: Presents? We'll just make up any old day to be my birthday then!

Lina: How old ARE you Xelloss?

Miss N: I heard anywhere from 1013-1024

Xelloss: But don't I LOOK young?

Zel: And you act like you're three years old.

Miss N: I wonder… what would a baby Mazoku be like? Do you think they'd still have the demon speed thing? You got this little brat zooming around your house, biting your ankles if you're not careful…

*Everyone stares at her*

Miss N: Whaaaaat?


L-Sama herself must be quite mad by this point. Of course, that is chaotic so it probably suits her just fine. All the old gods are nuts you know and it isn't any wonder. Even my Mistress isn't all there anymore. I've seen her staring out at the sea sometimes, her eyes far away and her lips moving soundlessly. Once I heard her murmur something about joining her sister in madness and when she looked up and saw me there I retreated quickly because there was no recognition in her eyes at all. At that moment she could have killed me and not even realised what she was doing until it was too late. Another time I saw her biting herself, savaging her own flesh and when she stopped she looked lost and confused. I slipped away quickly and silently, heart pounding staccato in my chest. Not my Mistress, the only light left for me… Who cares if the light is black?


Lina: So now your mistress is bonkers too?

Xelloss: *mystified* Apparently.

Zel: She's fine to me. *everyone looks at him and he blushes* I mean she looks fi-- I mean, she SEEMS fine to me… I mean, like not insane!

Lina: *getting ready to thrash him soundly* Gee Zel, I wonder what part of her you find so 'FINE', hmmm?
Xelloss: I like her legs personally….

Miss N: Considering that her legs, one arm and her wolf form are all we ever SEE of her…

Lina: And what's this 'sister' crap?

Zel: it could be a reference to Deep Sea again.

Miss N: We'll go with that.

Lina: How is light black anyway? Isn't that a contradiction?

Miss N: *singing* Hikari no yaaaaaami…..

Zel: Maybe it's a paradox.

Xelloss: *holds up some shoes* Pair of Docs?


I wonder if the remainders of the Ryuzoku are experiencing this phenomenon as well?


Zel: *speaking for the narrator* And if we should start a support group? 'Immortals and their Sanity.'

Lina: Or lack thereof.

Xelloss: Dumb dragons probably lost it WAAAAAY before I did. Filia's probably sitting on her ass somewhere drooling and talking in gibberish to people who don't exist.

Miss N: *wipes her drool away* And what exactly is wrong with that?


I think one of the reasons I've stayed relatively mentally sound so long is my penchant for playing with mortals.


Miss N: …. No comment.

Xelloss: ^_^ Oh, we 'play' alright…

Lina: *thinks* Ewwwwwww….

Zel: Are you sure it said he plays with MORTALS? Could it have possibly said 'himself'?


Their lives never cease to amuse me and sometimes there's a surprise or two. Of course, the one drawback to these quaint playthings is that they all die eventually. Even the most skilled of sorcerers is still mortal, although they live a very long time by human standards. To Mazoku even the life of a sorcerer seems pathetically short. I haven't been hanging around with humans lately and I wonder if maybe that could be why I've started to notice this weird crack in my sanity.


Miss N: He said crack in his sanity, right?

Zel: *doing the narrator again* Did I say sanity? I meant ass…


Perhaps if I went back to playing around with them I'd feel better. It's always been the best fun to tease them and watch their reactions you know. I remember one group in particular that kept me tickled for years! Now, what was the name of the swordsman…?

Garry? Was that it?


Zel: or was it Garrin?

Lina: Maybe it was Godzilla….

Zel: Or Gourrigan…

Lina: Gory?

Xelloss: *mildly disgusted* Why do I suddenly have the recall of the man in question?

Miss N: *giggling to herself* 'You have the recall of a lima bean…'

*Everyone stares at her again*

Miss N: Oh, shut up and let me have my fun.


Ahh, no matter. I'll never forget the sorceress, my fair Lina Inverse. She could have lived forever, but I suppose it was her destiny to die violently. I can still call up the image of her beautiful little face if I really try, although the picture is starting to fade a little with memory. I don't want that to happen, I don't want to forget her. I can forget everyone else in the world, but not her, please L-sama…. I remember the blood and the sweet stench of death and the chimera shaking his head and the grey sky, overcast with black clouds…. I remember crying and… and….


Lina: Hold on here, I'm DEAD?! When did THIS happen?!

Zel: *to Xelloss* You cried, you puss.

Lina: And what's with this head shaking business, Zel? Don't you care about me at all?!!!

Zel: Uh….

Xelloss: Once again, I have the recall of a certain jellyfish-brained swordsman.


Dammit, why is it all so fuzzy?!!


Zel: Oh gee, maybe because it NEVER HAPPENED?!

Lina: Damn straight it never happened!


Everything is strange now. Magic is less common now, and people are starting to doubt the existence of my kind. That's not so bad. Better for the cattle not to know they're being hunted anyway.


Xelloss: Heehee. Cattle.

Lina: Magic less common? Ugh, what an awful world!

Zel: Okay, so a good many years has passed I deduce.

Miss N: *dryly* You're a swift one, Zel.


I remember now. There WAS blood, a lot of it, but it was mine, not hers. Black sky above and a raw bolt of the darkest energy any of the worlds has ever seen…. She shook her head and I fell over…


Xelloss: What the hell? Now she killed me?

Lina: YEAH! That's more like it!

Zel: Okay, so the narrator, namely the fruitcake, is a corpse?

Xelloss: No!

Lina: And I thought Mazoku just kinda, poof! You know, just kinda fade into ash and stuff like the vampires on Buffy.

Zel: Apparently not.

Xelloss: And thanks for being so blasé about my death, Lina-chan!

Lina: Hey, you musta done something to deserve my wrath…


No, that's not right either.

Did I kill her? Did she kill me?


Zel: That's what WE would like to know.

Lina: Dammit Xelloss, make up your mind!

Xelloss: Don't yell at me!

Miss N: ^_^


Secrets, secrets, little Xelloss, ones you don't know and cannot fathom.


Xelloss: Bullshit.


I kissed her. I know that. Soft lips like petals beneath mine, blooming moistly to allow the worm entrance. Rot caused by me… Corruption.


Lina: You did WHAT?!!! *boots Xelloss across the living room*

Zel: Is this a Freud thing again?

Miss N: Actually, no. For once. Worms wreck flowers and that was supposed to be all like 'whoo, Xel's corrupted Lina's innocence' or something. Also, the worm is like a satanic image too so…


Don't you know Mazoku can't love? Love makes us ill; therefore we cannot feel it. We only cause pain.


Zel: Well, THAT at least is true.

Miss N: Please, read Seduction of Evil!

Lina: But lovey-dovey emotions DO make them ill. Hence why Amelia is actually useful sometimes.


She always wanted the Hikari no Ken and she finally got it in the end, although only to sheathe it in her own body. Because of me…


Lina: WHAT?!! So now I committed suicide?

Zel: I guess so. Geez Nightfall, what's this obsession with death you have?

Miss N: I think it's a charming obsession!

Zel: So, from this pathetic little paragraph are we supposed to assume Xelloss turned Lina into a Mazoku or something and so she killed herself.

Miss N: Maybe… It's a secret.

*Miss N gets punted across the room*


That's not right. Then what is?


Zel: Good freaking question.


Xelloss: Can't make me.




Lina: of course.

Zel: Shoulda known.

Miss N and Xelloss: ^__^v


All I know for sure is that I'm sitting here in this blackness alone and my mind is thudding inside my skull and I hate everything and I can't remember where my smile got to. I want to play with the humans, but none of them are her. So I'll wait, since history always repeats itself, right? I'm waiting for you Lina, for whenever you come back…


Lina: So now I'm a zombie?

Zel: Maybe reincarnation?

Xelloss: Maybe I'm deluded?

Zel: Yeah that sounds right. And you can't remember where you put your smile? What? Do you just peel it off at the end of the day and set it aside?

Miss N: *defensively* Maybe! I do it all the time with my glasses!

Zel: Yeah, but they're not part of your face.

Miss N: Might as well be.


I had another name once. What was it?


Miss N: *smugly* Phelan.

Zel: How would you know?

Miss N: Please read 'Xelloss - a Possible History of the Trickster Prie-- OW!

Lina: *removes her fist from Miss N's noggin* Enough with the plugs already.

Zel: I say his other name was 'fruitcake.'

Lina: Or 'demon of demons'

Zel: Or 'dumb-ass little annoying bastard'


I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know


Zel: Yes, we know we know we know we know we know…


Maybe it's a secret.


Xelloss: Maybe it's bullshit.

Zel: Maybe it was all a temporary fugue in one weird little fic author's pea-sized brain.

Lina: Maybe it was utter drivel.

Miss N: Maybe it was an interesting look at what happens to a mind when it exists for a massively long period of time? *looks around* No? Well it was worth a shot…

Xelloss: Not really.

Miss N: *sighs and hits the stop button on the remote.* Fine. You guys are free to go…

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