Well, it's been a while since an update but that's because I was busy crying over the fact that Deg released Kisou and I don't own a copy because I'm a cheap bastard. But enough of that.
You know, MTV churns out some decent shows. Not that I GET MTV, being Canadian and all, but sometimes the TV God is really nice and other networks play MTV shows like Daria or Downtown. One MTV thingy I really enjoy watching is Celebrity Deathmatch where claymation celebrities beat the piss out of each other.
'Gee,' I thought to myself one day. 'Wouldn't it be beyond snazzy if they had a J-Rock version of this show? I'd pay good money to watch Kyo chew the guys in Shazna into bloody chunks.'
Sadly, those TV producers won't return my calls anymore. So, rather than give up on my vision, I present to you J-Rocker Deathmatch!
Mana VS Izam. Come on, could this BE any more perfect? The fight would start with Izam bouncing around like
a 6-year-old on a sugar high while Mana gives him the Evil Bitch of Death(tm) glare. Izam would then start throwing
girly-punches and soon the two would fall into a scratching, hair-pulling heap. Mana would eventually grab hold of Izam's
pigtails and rip Izam's head off. Sadly this probably wouldn't KILL Izam, as he is in fact the antichrist and can probably live
through a puny little decapitation. But it sure would look cool anyway.
Kyo VS Hyde. This match would have to be entitled "Battle of the Bleach," for obvious reasons. Dir en grey's badass
lead VS L'ar en ciel's wuss-rock frontsman... now THAT'S entertainment. I think it's needless to say that Kyo would probably
break that little wuss-rocker in half, but you never know. From what I hear, Hyde's a mean little interior decorator so he
might whip some antique vases at Kyo's fugly head. Or possibly grab a handfull of facial piercings and give a really good pull.
Hyde: You look like a tackle-box!
Kyo: WAAAGH! *bleeds* Hey, I could do this onstange...
Gackt VS Koyasu Takehito Okay, okay, so Koyasu ain't exactly a J-Rocker... but this match is DESTINED to be. Besides, I heard somewhere that Koyasu DOES sing so let's not quibble, alright? Good. Now, as everyone knows, Koyasu wants to BE Gackt. Or maybe Gackt wants to be Koyasu. Anyhow, there's wanting involved.
Not THAT kind of wanting, you depraved slashers.
As I was saying, a match between Gackt and Koyasu would be truly amazing. Just think... the masters of Sexin' Powers in a showdown to the bitter end! Here's what I think it would be like...
|Koyasu is pissed. And rightly so...
only HE is allowed to be as dorky as Aya!
|Gackt rises to the challenge...|
|Dear god no...||Look out, Koyasu!|
The match would end when Gackt uses the dreaded "Gact-Face" of course, and Koyasu is reduced to a blubbering pile of protoplasm.
That of course, is just a short list of possible Deathmatches. Given time and motivation ("motivation" means lots of money, in case you were curious) I'm sure I could come up with a whole season's worth of stupid matches. I personally would love to watch Kagrra fight, if only to see how well they manage in those funky kimonos... And yours truly would be the announcer, of course.
Speical thanks to Tochira on this one