In life, there are certain constants. Gravity will keep you from floating into space; the sky is blue; fire is hot; and Gackt cannot speak English.

Now, I understand that Japanese is very different from English. I also understand that it's somehow "cool" to have songs in English over there, sort of how it's "cool" for white guys to rap over here. So I guess I understand how songs like "Beast of Blood" or "LEMONed I Scream" come to be. In fact, hide has pretty good English. Especially in comparison...

I repeat: Gackt cannot speak English. In fact, his version of Engrish is just absolutely mangled beyond recognition. Take, for example, the Malice Mizer song "N.P.s N.G.s." There you are, bopping along to those creepy voices in the background. The music builds and Gackt saaaays...

"...WISH THE PENIS!!"

"What the fuck?!" you yell, and stare at your CD player. You think maybe you heard wrong, so you play the track again… listening carefully…

"WASH A PENIS!!"

It can't be…

"WITH A PENIS!"

That REALLY sounded like penis... Finally you yank out the lyric booklet. "Dadadada... 'with the Venus.' HUH?!"

No, gentle reader, there was not a mistake in the printing of the lyrics. That was just Gackt-Speak.

Another shining example of Gackt-Speak is the infamous "falling off the horsy" commercial. The commercial is for some sort of soda, and features a song called "Soul of Fire" which you can find in MP3 format without too much hassle. The entire song is in English... or rather, Gackt's version of the language.

Since I'm all-knowing and wise (and have consumed quite a lot of red wine tonight) I will translate the entire song for you here:

Soul of Fire

Cola gun oh kiss on my arm
And you tell the toaster me
Lovely kink my soul I come
With stones I have to pee
I fear the fire fire FI-AH
To keep me warm, I've got to fear the fire

*guitar solo!*

My winter socks, looks
Happy as can be
a perfect beer, love
as cool as I can see
But just like that, meeyah
hit me subtlety
My heart eats a liar

Oh, cos when I look inside my yard
And I tell that toast to me
Loudly to my zoo I come
We stop upon the sea
I need the fire fire FI-AH
To keep me warm I've got to build a fire

Your smiley face, me
Enough to warm a sign
You say no duh, I
get butt-sore every night
But if you don't die, you
underwater dive
means you leave much to be desired

Cos when I look inside my eye
And I tell the two's too mean
Loud and cold my soul I come
With stuff that rhymes with C
I need the fire fire FI-AH
To keep me warm, I've got to fear the fire

And if you look into my eye
And the toad does something dude
You can make a bunny hop
You can ride the goose
I need the fire fire FI-AH
To keep me warm I've got to build a fire
If the dead can why can say it and tears don't know
It's such a long run the friends and the fire and the Benjamin he gooooooooes!

*more guitar solo!*

Cos when I look inside my arm
and the telly toasts to me
Lounging in my sword I come
with storms I wanna see

I need the fire fire FI-AH
To keep me warm, I've got to fear the fire

Cos when I look inside my aura
And I tell the toast to be
Lardly does my soul I come
with stones along the shmee

I need the fire fire FI-AH
To keep me warm, I've got to fear the fire
I need you fired FIIIIIIIIIIREEED
To keep me warm, I've got to fear the fire
To keep me warm I've got to FEED it!
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Index

Archives

If anybody knows what the hell he's REALLY saying, let me know.