Normally I start off an article by apologizing for the lack of updates, but you know what? I'm NOT sorry. You think I get paid to do this? Huh? Do you?! ANSWER ME!
Well, I don't. So be grateful I update at all. I bet right now you're calling me nasty names. Well, knock yourselves out. Ungrateful sods. Crabs on you all.
Moving on...
Rockstars.
Men wanna be em, and women wanna fuck em in order to vicariously live out their own fantasies of glory. Or something.
Now, no matter WHERE they are from, there are certain things that all male rockstars have in common:
1) Leather pants
2) An inexplicable power over women
3) Addictions to something unhealthy (cigarettes, alcohol, heroin, Kraft macaroni and cheese)
However, while these things remain constant I couldn't help but notice there is a distinct difference between Western rockstars and J-Rockers, BESIDES the fact that most J-Rockers look like women without breasts.
Since I'm a lazy fuck, I'm going to copy and paste the IM conversatio n I had with my top Ninja Spy, the Writer, here, that outlines the essential difference between the two:
DecadentMazohyst: I just realised the essential difference between j-rockers and rockstars
TheWriter0: Oh?
DecadentMazohyst: Rockstars over here like, showcase their crotches. JRockers seem to be utterlt devoid of penises. like ken dolls. (with the exception of Gackt, who's a freak who stuffs his pants)
TheWriter0: http://shower.lunar-progeny.net/yoshiki11.jpg
(No, THIS looks like a girl)
DecadentMazohyst: hell yes. looks like a chatline ad too
TheWriter0: Not only Gackt. Kyo doesn't seem to mind the too-tight pants. And Hyde has the "I can't figure out how zippers work!" problem.
DecadentMazohyst: true. but somehow it's less a "look at my johnson!" thing.
TheWriter0: Hmm, maybe. It's more a total package thing. A "come and take me" thing rather than a "I'm gonna screw you into the floor" thing.
DecadentMazohyst: yeah exactly.
DecadentMazohyst: somehow more... I want to say submissive even though that's not QUITE it
TheWriter0: More seductive, luring you in as opposed to grabbing you and assuming you want it.
DecadentMazohyst: yes! that's IT!
DecadentMazohyst: dude. we're smart
TheWriter0: Yeah! We rule.
DecadentMazohyst: ^^
TheWriter0: We have figured out the appeal of girly J-rockers.
DecadentMazohyst: hmm...
DecadentMazohyst: could this mean Japanese women have a more timid approach to sex or something?
DecadentMazohyst: OR (worse) could we relate this to the bizarre fascination with rape over there?
TheWriter0: Well, Japanese women are typically supposed to lay there and wait for instructions. So a guy who looks kinda vulnerable, like HE'S waiting for the instructions, is breaking the norm and therefore wildly sexy.
DecadentMazohyst: they secretly want the rockstars to look kinda girly so they can tentacle rape them.
DecadentMazohyst: oooooh point!
DecadentMazohyst: your answer is more sensible than mine
TheWriter0: *giggles* But yours involved TENTACLES.
DecadentMazohyst: true. I smell a flannel article.
TheWriter0: I think that's it, tho. And it's also why they like guy-on-guy fanservice so much.
DecadentMazohyst: yeah!
TheWriter0: 'Cause, like, it's guys taking THEIR roles, so it makes them feel like the more powerful ones.
Need more proof? How about a visual aid?
First, here is the lovely and effeminate Yoshiki. Notice how although he's doing the stereotypical rockstar "shirtless with a cigarette" thing he does not look aggressive. In fact, he seems to be surreptitiously checking to see if he HAS a johnson while at the same time enticing you to rape him.
Now, take the singer for the band H.I.M. doing the same "I'm giving myself lung cancer and my nipples are cold" shtick. He, by contrast, seems to be actually pointing at his crotch and saying, "I'm ugly, but you'd let me fuck you anyway."
So. To sum up…
The Japanese want to tentacle rape their rockstars.
Or something.
Visit Writer's website and marvel at her Jrock fanart and fanfic… or die. Blood and Candy.
tentacle rape = comedy.