You know, I never think that people actually visit this page until I open my mailbox and find messages reading "STOP FUCKING YOUR GRANDMA AND UPDATE, YOU LAZY SHIT!" Then I weep tears of joy because I know it means that I am loved. Or something. Anyhow, you can stop yoru bitching... because as you cna plainly see this is an update! And for once I didn't con some poor sucker into writing a guest article; I actually sat my ass down and wrote this all by myself. (As I'm sure you cna figure out by the insane amount of typos this is sure to contain.) And I have a COLD too, so I must either love you guys or am a masochist.

Anyhow.

I was actually going to sit down and write an article about somehting serious... like how Kyo's scalp started flaking away to reveal his skull and that's why he's stopped bleaching his hair or about how Mana's an unstoppable force and Moi Dix Moi sounds pretty decent... BUT I decided instead to focus on something WAY more mind-blowing:

A monkey.

To be more specific, MY monkey. (No, not Charlie's. If you don't get this joke then thhhhbt to you.) My monkey is not a real-life poop-flinging monkey but is rather a sweet and cuddly stuffed toy given to me by Writer while we were in Japan together. The monkey remained nameless for a few days, sitting on my bed and watching the hotel maids do obscene things to my luggage, until one day we returned to our room with armfulls of J-Rock magazines. We 'oohed' over the pretty pictures and I pretended I could read kanji. Then I noticed something...

My monkey looks exactly like Gackt.

Seriously. The resemblence is so uncanny that we named the monkey "Gackt II - The Return." But you don't have to take my word for it, you can judge for yourselves...

See?

Unsettling, I know. Makes you think about that deleted monkey-sex scene in Burton's remake of Planet of the Apes.