I have good news and bad news. The good news is I have survived my trip to Japan with everything but my sanity intact. The bad news is I did not get a chance to see a live show while I was there unless you count the guys playing for free at Hibiya Koen. Ah well, next time.

That doesn't mean I've returned to the Flannel empty-handed, though. Oh NO. For while I was in Japan I discovered that their entire political structure is sham. Emperor? Fah. Prime Minister? P'shaw. I discovered that one man RULES Japan and everything in it… He is omnipresent, like God on a good-hair-day.

I am of course, referring to Gackt Camui.

Now, I knew Gackt was a celebrity in Japan but I never thought his influence extending to running the bloody country. The man is EVERYWHERE there, looking at out you with puppy-dog eyes from posters, billboards, the sides of buses, TV, your closet… It's eerie.

While I was in Japan, Gackt STALKED me. I am not joking here. I was there for ten days and on all but the last day when I didn't leave my hotel room because of a fear-induced coma I spotted something Gackt-related.

I took the liberty of keeping a journal while I was there and shall now present to you the various Gackt-sightings.

Day One - Gackt commercial on the hotel TV. In this commercial Gackt embraces a woman who then turns to water and splashes all over the floor. Gackt then crawls across the floor and cleans her up with a sponge. This ad was apparently for some sort of candy but I don't see the connection.

Day Two - Life-size cardboard cutout of Gackt in a camera store. Staff did not take kindly to gaijin licking the cutout.

Day Three - Bastard invading my dreams. Woke up with memory of having a dream about having a dream about Gackt. The while shopping saw a naked Gackt poster-ad, a naked Gackt in a commercial for… what, I don't know, and then THREE Gackt camera-ads in a window. This induced hysterical screaming and pointing on my part.

The camera ad.

Day Four - Another Gackt commercial. This guy endorses everything. Wish I could figure out what the products are.

Day Five - Found Gackt doujinshi. I also tried that 'Soul of Fire' crap and discovered it tastes awful. Thanks, Gackt.

Day Six - Poster. Big man with a gun.

Day Seven - Wall of magazines with his face plastered all over them. Saw a photobook with enough Gackt in it to last a lifetime, too.

Day Eight - Saw a poster for Gackt phonecards. So there's Gackt holding phonecard with his face on them. This was odd in that this was the day I was in fucking OFUNA, the one place I expected NOT to see the freak. As you can see, his influence is EVERYWHERE.

Day Nine - Giant naked-Gackt billboard reading "Gackt Sexy." While I couldn't quibble with the sentiment, it still frightened my greatly.

Day Ten - No sighting! I thought I'd finally escaped his influence! BWAHAHAHA! But then Writer, who was in Japan WITH me and a witness to all the sightings, made me listen to his new album, 'Moon.' And you know what?

It didn't suck. DAMN YOU, GACKT!

So as you can plainly see, Gackt is in fact King of Japan. No, he's more like a GOD there. Fear him and tremble before his mighty power…