Today's Flannel is a very special one as it will be tackling the age-old question: "Is Gackt truly the amazing individual who sees dead people, drives with his feet and has a rubber SPINE... or is he a pathological liar who should be commited? Or maybe a space alien?"
By selling organs on the black market I managed to collect enough money to snag an interview with the world-reknowned psychologist and J-Rock expert Dr. Kazenoko...
Japanese Flannel: Dr. Kazenoko, thank you for being here with us tonight.
Dr. Kazenoko: Any time, Tweezle. May I call you Tweezle? I want you to know that I'm a great fan of your site.
JF: Why, thank you! We here at the Flannel admire your work also. Now, doctor, we're here today to talk about Gackt. Quite an.... interesting individual.
DrK: Yes, Gackt is definately.... interesting, Tweezle.
JF: Now doctor, there's some controversy about whether or not many of the claims Gackt makes are true or false. As a world-famous head-shrinker, I'm sure you've had at least a few couch sessions with the man.
DrK: Of course.
JF: So my first question to you is this.... when not in the spotlight, does Gackt behave like a normal human being?
DrK: Gackt truly, in no sense of the word, fits the definition 'normal', Tweezle.
JF: I see.
DrK: Do you? Do you really see?
JF: If I keep my glasses on, yes.
DrK: Let's run the clip, shall we, Tweezle?
DrK: Frankly, Tweezle, I'm not sure how much explanation these pictures need or whether they would make sense at all to a human being.
JF: Or to any other lifeform for that matter... Which of course brings me to my next question.... doctor, do you beleive that Gackt is in fact even HUMAN at all?!
DrK: *looks around furtively* Most people, Tweezle, would say he is. But I have a... theory....
JF: A theory?
DrK: Yes! A THEORY.
JF: Is there then basis for the rumour that Gackt is in fact.... an extra-terrestial?!
DrK: *pushes glasses up nose* Two words, Tweezle.
JF: *holds breath*
DrK: Anal probe.
JF: Gackt probed your anus?! Good GOD!
DrK: Not on ME! Good LORD. But let's look at some footage of him with his band.
DrK: You see, Tweezle, this is not a sexual advance or play for popularity as it appears to be.
JF: Doctor I am... shocked! Amazed! Nauseated! Strangely hungry...
DrK: He is instead selecting his... victims.
JF: Doctor, what on earth could his intent be?
DrK: Did you not know? *looks shocked*
JF: Well doctor, I've been sort of hiding from Shazna for months now so I'm a little behind on news...
DrK: I see I must give you some background in the history of J-rock. Once, there was a rockstar named hide.
He, as well, was an alien.
JF: NO! Oh, wait, that actually makes a lot of sense...
DrK: Yes. Now, one day, hide met a rockstar named Emiru.
Emiru was a cute little bouncy boy who wore a lot of petticoats and ribbons.
He was also a normal human being.
JF: If you can call a man in petticoats 'normal'
DrK: Now, hide had performed a lot of anal probes in his time. And some were met with fear, outrage, and lust.
JF: Ooooooooh, lust
DrK: But with Emmi-rue, something new was produced. A new being, capable of great destructive powers, combining the cuteness of Emmi-rue with the dangers of hide! This was, of course, Izam.
JF: *screams* Uh, sorry, Doctor. Autmatic reaction. But what does Izam have to do with Gackt?
DrK: hide deemed Izam a failure, because he seemed incapable of actually using his destructive
powers for more than bouncing around in skirts singing "Melty love, Melty love!"
And hide killed himself.
However, a wandering extra terrestrial got word of the experiment.
JF: and this was Gackt?
DrK: Yes. This was the being who would become Gackt. He decided to perform the experiment himself, and has been singing, occassionally switching bands, with the intent of finding the perfect victim to anal probe and create the Destructo Rocker.
JF: dear god...
DrK: ...that or he's actually just a very disturbed man with a fondness for mall rides. I'm not sure.
JF: ... I see.
DrK: *coughs into a fist*
*Uncomfortable silence falls*
JF: Well! Thank you very much for being with us tonight Doctor. We'd love to have you back again. *whisper* fruitcake...
DrK: Thank you for inviting me, Tweezle! Please, recommend me to all your friends and family!
JF: I will indeed.
DrK: *looks around, stares straight at the audience* Beware the anal probe...
"I'm bisexual!" "Shut up, Gackt, you don't count."
Thanks to Harukami, aka "Dr. Kazenoko."
Thanks to Harukami, aka "Dr. Kazenoko."