Contrary to popular opinion, I am NOT dead. I apologise for not updating as often as I would like but the sad fact is that every time I try to Izam ties me up and throws me in a closet with a stinking rag stuffed in my mouth. It's quite bothersome.

Onto today's topic.

I love Dir en grey. I think I caught this rather virulent obsession from my pal Darla because we shared drinks all the time. Deg-ingitis... another reason not to share your back-washed coke, friends and neighbours. Now, a while back Deg had the good sense to release a new album, entitled Kisou. (By the way, if anybody buys this album and HATES it, I'd be more than willing to trade you the crispy souls of the damned for it.) One of the first songs that Deg saw fit to give to the greedy public off this piece of art was a chipper little tune called Jessica, complete with video.

Now, the first time I saw the Jessica video I nearly had a heart-attack. And not my usual desire-to-shlup-Kyo sort of heart-attack, either. Jessica was so far removed from what I had come to expect from Deg that I started spazzing and wondering if perhaps Izam the Antichrist had bought out my favourite band just to spite me.

That, of course, was not the case. Jessica seems to be an experiment with music, much like Marilyn Manson's Mechanical Animals. After being convinced that Kyo was NOT giving up on drooling bloody foam and jerking around like he has epilepsy, I found that I could actually enjoy the song. The video, however...

The video opens on an animated car driving through what looks to be central Nevada. If it weren't for the music, I'd think I was watching a Road Runner cartoon. The car is being driven by a pink-haired female with a lot of tattoos, a shark-like grin and a band-aid above her nose.

And then we get to see the band, wearing shockingly less makeup than usual. They appear to be filming in a big aqua-bluish greenhouse of some kind. Random scenes of the pink-haired girl flash by on a red background, complete with oldschool Batman sound effects. The little animated car drives by pictures of all the boys looking lovely. Shinya, like always, looks sad.

Kyo, despite not being covered in five pounds of makeup, still tries to scare us all by making funny faces. You know, he looks a LOT younger without makeup on. Like, 12. I feel like a dirty old man in an ice-cream truck.

The boys are not inside a greenhouse after all, but a box. A box in an alley. No wait, that's the Maxx... Seriously, they're in a big red box made up of pictures of stuff. The box slides open to reveal the band playing away... Toshiya looks demonically cute and Kyo looks about THREE FEET TALL! I'm not fucking kidding!

He looks about the same size as Warwick Davis. Where's me gold?!

As if to make up for the Leprechaun height-thing, Kyo sits there and looks sexy and licks his pierced lips a little. It's rather disturbing because he still looks about 12. Actually, he looks sort of like a pierced mini-Gackt... he even kinda dances like him here. But let's not ponder that too long.

Our pink-haired freind meanwhile is having some problems with other drivers! Seems this big green dude in a scary truck is trying to ram her. She gets pissed about it and somehting under her bangs glows a scaaaaaaaary yellow. The green dude ignores her road rage and launches some missiles at her. Man, I want a vehicle with THAT feature.

The boys all get a chance to look sexy again, and Kyo make smore faces. Then, we're treated to a SHOCKING secret!

Shinya's ACTUALLY a conjoined twin!! AHHHHHH!

The band then all strolls by so we can see their outfits better. Toshiya jumps around a lot and out pink haired friend manages not to get exploded by those aforementioned missiles.

They go after Kyo instead I guess. Maybe they didn't like his Gackt dancing.

The pink-haired girl now starts SHOOTING the missiles. She doesn't drive off the road while doing this either, which I found pretty darn impressive. Kyo twists his face into new and interesting positions and the band generally rocks out and has a grand old time.

Then... the pink haired chick jumps onto the green dude's truck and pulls her band-aid off. Underneath is a single giant eye! She's a freakin cyclops! She uses this optic anomaly to explode the green dude into itty bitty pieces, and the video ends.

So. Different, that's for sure.


Where's me gold?