Harukami and Neko present.....
Sorceror Hunter Outtakes! (A Too Much Time On Our Hands Production)
Scene: A park bench. Marron sits at the left. (NO! NOT THAT WAY! HIS LEFT!!!)
Gateau: *comes in and tries to sit down next to him*
Marron: *moves right till he gets to the other end*
Gateau: *sits very close* Do you believe in the hereafter?
Marron: *warily* Yes...
Gateau: *leers* Then you know what I'm here after!
Marron: *slaps him and sticks an ofuda to his forehead*
~~~Well, you're the one who likes it in the closet!~~~
Scene: A castle. The Sorceror Hunters have just defeated that guy with the mirrors.
Gateau: Can I ask you a question?
Marron: *unimpressed* Please.
Gateau: Are you really a closet pervert?
Marron: *surprised* No! ... I came out of the closet a long time ago!
Scene: The Stellar Church. Big Mama teaches a young Chocolate to fight.
Chocolate: I think I've got it! *holds one end of rubber band with her fingers, the other with her lips, then tries to talk, huskily* I... OW!
Big Mama: Hold on tighter. And remember, it'll hurt more with a real wire.
~~~Hello, sailor. New in town?~~~
Scene: Room at an inn. Marron and Gateau stand, talking.
Gateau: Hm? What is it, Marron?
Marron: *pouts coyly* Hmm... *walks towards Gateau, swinging his hips* Hey there, Big Boy... *slides finger down, down, down... Gateau's chest.*
Gateau: Oh... my.
Scene: Some random forest.
Gateau: So... free friday night?
Marron: Washing my hair.
~~~Ew! That's like tonguing your brother!~~~
Scene: An arena within the casino.
Marron: *stares absently into the air at nothing and drools on his chin*
Monster Carrot: *roars and looks evil*
*suddenly, guitar music is heard. It's country. A rose impales the ground between the brothers*
Shadowy figure: Never fear, Marron! I, Tuxedo Gateau, will protect you!
Marron: *hair suddenly in impossible odangos, wearing a fuku* Tuxedo Gateau-sama! *sighs dreamily*
~~~A virgin? My mother warned me about girls like that...~~~
Scene: A nondescribpt bedroom. Gateau has finally seduced Marron, who lies half dressed on a bed
Gateau: ... *stares lovingly at Marron, deep, deep into those wonderful pools of amber light...*
Marron: *dryly* You gonna do somethin' or just spit on me all night?
~~~Do they give them nice jackets that let them give themselves a hug?~~~
Scene: A long hallway in the REAL Stellar Church. Dotta flies beside Big Mama.
Big Mama: I have a confession.
Big Mama: I didn't really start the Haz Knights or the Sorceror Hunters in order to protect the helpless.
Dotta: What? Then why?
voice: *from down the hall* Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex!
Big Mama: I... hello, Mirufiru.
Mirufiru: *skipping past in a pink skirt with his hair in pigtails* Sex sex se-- Big Mama. *bows low, extremely serious* How may I be of service.
Big Mama: No need. Continue with your activities.
Mirufiru: As you wish. *resumes skipping* Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex!
Dotta: *watches him go* Uh... you were saying?
Big Mama: I really just wanted to start a home for Deeply Disturbed People.
~~~Go go Power Hunters!~~~
Scene: Extreme closeup of Marron's oddly reflective and strangely dark eyes. Camera pans back to show him in a cheesy Bandai-style superhero costume
Marron: Behold the power of the Beetle Borgs!
~~~Sunbathing can kill you.~~~
Scene: A beach. Gateau sits, talking with Tira, while Chocolate restrains Carrot in the background.
Tira: Where's Marron-chan?
Gateau: In town. He was afraid of getting a tan.
~~~100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer...~~~
Scene: An auditorium. Marron stands at the podium.
Marron: Hello. My name is Marron Glace, and I'm an alcoholic.
~~~A wardrobe is a terrible thing to waste.~~~
Scene: After a fight.
Chocolate: Ne, Tira-chan, where DO you get your other shoes from?
Tira: I don't know. They just keep appearing. It's really pissing me off, too. I nearly killed myself in these damned things!
~~~Colder than the Yukon in January~~~
Scene: A clearing. The Sorceror Hunters sit around a fire.
Gateau: Damn! My beer's warm.
Carrot: *mocking, grinning* Just stick it between my brother's legs.
Gateau: *reaches to do just that and suddenly finds himself stunned with an ofuda stuck to his forehead*
Marron: *glaring* Don't even think about it. *clutches his robes tighter*
Carrot: Yeah! Stop trying to pervert my little brother!
Gateau: Wah! Everyone's against me!
~~~Oh, I'm a vampire and I'm okay...~~~
Scene: Darkness. A light illuminates Marron's face from below.
Marron: I am Marron, Prince of the Undead. I have come for your soul. *maniacal laughter*
~~~Can you even say that on TV?~~~
Scene: A movie preview on television.
Mr. Narrator: The Bakuretsu Hunters Movie! Fabuluous new story, more hijinks! Critics say Chocolate is... a slut.
Scene: Random forest
Gateau: So... are you free Saturday, then?
Marron: Powdering face.
~~~At least it didn't fall out...~~~
Scene: A long hallway in the REAL Stellar Church. Closed doors lead to various bedrooms. Focus on a door on which is written, in childish scrawl with a heart dotting the i, 'Mi-chan', and below that, in professional text, Mirufiru, Haz Knight. A scream is heard from behind it.
Dotta: *passing by* Ahh! Mirufiru! *she flings his door open* Are you OKAY?!
Mirufiru: *looks up with huge watery eyes. His hair is a disgusting shade of puce. * Dotta-chan...
Dotta: *trying not to giggle* What happened to your HAIR?!
Mirufiru: *sniff* The studio *sniff* wanted me to dye it *sniff* for the OAV series *sniff* so I tried to bleach it *sniff* and... *sniff* and... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Dotta: It's okay, Mi-chan! We can redye it!
Mirufiru: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH-- you think?
Dotta: Well... of course! *crosses her fingers* Or we could just shave it and give you a wig!
~~~This costume's a bit... different...~~~
Scene: An oriental garden. Marron stands on a bridge, in traditional *female* Chinese dress, gazing at the water. His reflection has lighter hair, a mole, and a bosom.
Marron: *singing* Who is that girl I see... staring straight... back at me? Why is my reflection... someone I don't know?
*cut to forest. Marron is now looking uncomfortable in armour*
Gateau: *in dragon costume* For example, my eyes can see straight through your armour. *leers*
Marron: *covers his groin with one hand, slapping Gateau with the other*
Gateau: *confused* That's it! Dishonour! Dishonour on you! Dishonour on your Carrot...
~~~Living forever could get kinda boring.~~~
Scene: A village. Two women stand, looking disgustedly at a fading cloud of smoke and a disturbed-looking man.
Woman1: Hmph. Immortals these days. They think they can just waltz in here, floating on air, and grant people 'The Power'. *pointed look at man*
Woman2: Bloody creeps should be banned.
*sounds of agreement*
Man: *screams randomly*
~~~Bad timing? But this happens a LOT...~~~
Scene: A dimly lit window, scene from below. Voices are heard.
Gateau: Marron! Marron!! OH, MARRON!!!
Marron: *calmly* Wait... I think I hear my brother's voice.
Gateau: *frustrated* AUUUGGHHH!
~~~667-1111 Call Pizza Pizza Hey Hey Hey...~~~
Scene: The REAL Stellar Church. Big Mama talks into a phone.
Big Mama: *excited* So you can come, then? Marvelous! This will be this best pizza party ever!
Mirufiru: *looks skeptically at her* ...
Big Mama: *harumphs* It gets boring here, okay?
~~~Black is supposed to be slimming.~~~
Scene: Marron stands in front of a mirror, Gateau sitting on a chair behind him.
Marron: *turning and posing, looking in mirror skeptically* Tell me... *turns to Gateau* Do these robes make me look fat?
~~~Worse than breaking a lightbulb~~~
Scene: The illusion of the Stellar Church.
Dotta: Good luck, Hunters! Bye~e! *waggles fingers*
*the scene implodes*
Marron: *looks around* Where's 'niisan?
Carrot: *Small, squished pile of goo on the ground* ...down...here...
Chocolate: Darling! What happened?
Tira: He must have been too close to the imploding scene....
Carrot: Shut up and help me. This is uncomfortable.
Scene: A campsite. Marron stands by a pile of clothes, deadpan as always, folding.
Marron: *calm and dead serious* I wish 'niisan would do his own laundry. *picks at lint deadpan and goes back to folding*
Scene: A non-descript street during a timely sunset. The silhouettes of the Bakuretsu Hunters are seen
Gateau: Do you know? Do you know? Have you heard the news?
Marron: 'Niisan's been chasing young girls again.
Chocolate: Oh, Darling! How could you betray me so?
Tira: Beware, young sir. Pretty girls are not always what they seem.
All: Do you know? Do you know? Do you know what they are?
~~~Okay, it was stupid to ask.~~~
Scene: The illusion of the Stellar Church. Big Mama, Dotta, Mirufiru, Zaha, Marron, Gateau, Tira, and Chocolate all face Carrot.
Carrot: So, what did you guys want to say to me?
Chocolate: *shyly* Well, Darling, we all have things we want to get off our backs, and you're the only unbiased friend we have...
Carrot: Okay, I guess. Go ahead.
Chocolate: I... I'm an alien.
Carrot: Oh, I knew THAT.
Tira: I love you, Carrot!
Carrot: Well, duh. It's not difficult to notice.
Gateau: I have no self-esteem! I survive on others' praise!
Carrot: THAT's obvious, gorilla.
Marron: I'm gay.
Carrot: I know. Never speak of it again.
Dotta: I bear the death of my race! Wah!
Carrot: Well, I haven't seen many people like you around, so no surprise.
Mirufiru: I am a multiple personalities freak boy in drag!
Big Mama: I'm not actually the closest to God. I just wish I were.
Carrot: Aw, heck, I'd guessed THAT.
Big Mama: ...
Carrot: Go on.
Zaha: I... I wish I were a girl.
Carrot: *rolling on the floor* MWA HA HA HA HA!!!
Zaha: *to all* lynch him?
All: *agreeing* lynch him.
Carrot: MWA HA HA HA HA!!! Oh, that's PRECIOUS! MWA HA HA... ha... ha... uh, guys?
~~~I never wanted to be a Sorceror Hunter...~~~
Scene: A forest in the middle of NoWhere.
Gateau: *in a flannel shirt and jeans* Oh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay...
~~~I don't believe you.~~~
Scene: An inn. Gateau yet again attempts to get Marron to sleep with him.
Gateau: Please, Marron?
Gateau: Come on. You know you want it.
Marron: No! I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on Spooner!
Gateau: Oh really? We'll just see about that! I'll be back in a while. *leaves*
~~~Three sheets to the wind?~~~
Scene: A clearing. The Sorceror Hunters celebrate a recent victory.
Gateau: *drunken* Okay, stop me if you've heard this one. A sorceror walks into a bar...
~~~She's not Black Lady...~~~
Scene: Monster-Carrot wreaks havoc upona village. Tira prepares to tame him.
Tira: And now, Carrot... *takes off shoes as transformation begins*
Monster-Carrot: *roars and looks confused*
*Tira stands in her usual thingie, but with a small pink skirt. Her hair is in pigtails*
Tira: A beautiful soldier for truth and love, Tira Misu! In the name of the whip, you're gonna get it! *winks and cracks whip*
Monster-Carrot: 0.0 YIPE! *runs away*
~~~I'm with the sorceror.~~~
Scene: The freaky cave with all the mirrors from episode one.
Sorceror: *maniacal laughter* *disappears into mirror*
View: Carrot in a mirror, looking confused and suspicious.
View: Chocolate in a mirror, looking angry and suspicious.
View: Marron and Gateau in a mirror, looking calm and excited, respectively*
Marron: *still calm and dead serious* *grabs Gateau's ass*
Gateau: *shocked* Aah! Don't touch me there, you pervert! *slaps him*
Sorceror: *in mirror* ...
[Note: While the authors would dearly love to take credit for the above skit, it so happens that that actually happened. Well, up to the grabbing ass bit. If you don't believe us, rewatch the video. Yeesh. No wonder Gateau asked if he was a closet pervert...]
~~~It COULD have been pickles and ice cream.~~~
Scene: a random inn room.
Marron: *turns to Gateau* Can you get me some fish?
Marron: *dead serious* Yes. With chocolate sauce.
Gateau: With --- what the fuck?!
Gateau: What is WRONG with you!?
Marron: Nothing! Just get the fucking food, God-fucking-damnit!
Marron: I'll cry.
Gateau: All RIGHT, all RIGHT!
Gateau: Well? Will you tell me now?
Marron: I'm pregnant.
Gateau: ... *faints*
~~~Sure, Gateau. Whatever.~~~
Scene: A booth before a large crowd. Gateau speaks. For some reason, everyone's drawn Slayers style, and Gateau has really big eyebrows.
Gateau: Yes, you should all by my amazing new body oil. Now only will you get sleek muscles and a great tan, but your sword-fighting skills will improve drastically! *whips off hideous orange trenchcoat to pose dramatically, flipping back long hair* And look! *spies Marron and drags him over* You'll even get a hopelessly devoted bishy fanboy for a general! *flexes more*
Marron: Ano... *couch* Gateau-sama!
Gateau: HAAA! *flex flex*
~~~Never underestimate the power of a Playboy Bunny~~~
Scene: Lady Velrose's basement. The sorcerer grinds Carrot into the floor.
Tira: What shall we do, Onee-sama? Shall we act like mindless zombies?
Chocolate: Sounds good.
*they stop and drool absently*
~~~Whoohoo! Naked Marron!~~~
Scene: A fight. Tira and Chocolate beat the crap out of a sorcerer.
Marron: Screw this! *holds up ofuda* Eastern Eternal Power, Make Up!!!
*lights flash, melting Marron's clothes as he turns and music plays in the background. Lots of sparklies and stuff. It ends, revealing Marron in... the exact same clothes as before. No... wait... maybe they're a bit whiter.*
Tira, Chocolate, Gateau, and Carrot: ... *sweatdrop*
Marron: *defensive* What? I wanted a transformation sequence too!
~~~The meaning of life.~~~~
Scene: A bridge. Carrot sits on the rail, thinking deeply.
Carrot: *suddenly* That's it! I know what I'll do with my life! I'll move to Tibet and become a monk! *looks quite pleased with himself*
Villagers: ... *back away*
~~~This is the way we shock the sibs...~~~
Scene: An Inn. Tira and Chocolate's room.
Chocolate: That's what it is! You just want Darling for yourself, don't you?!
Tira: Of course not, Onee-sama! I'm much more interested in Dotta!
~~~Aagh! The Black Death!~~~
Scene: A fight with Zaha Torte.
Zaha: *screams for no readily apparant reason*
Carrot: Damn. We've got to stop this guy.
*suddenly both sides stop blasting each other and stand up, joining hands*
All: Ring around a rosie, pocket full of posies, tishu! Tishu! All fall down!
*drop to the ground*
~~~Stellar Church Detectives? And will anybody get the joke?~~~
Scene: Big Mama's memory. Zaha 'speaks'.
Zaha: *opens and closes mouth mutely*
Caption: Three years ago.
Zaha: *unintelligible mouthing*
Caption: Three years ago.
Zaha: *pretending to speak*
Big Mama and others: *horrified looks*
Caption: In summer.
Zaha: *concludes his non-speech*
Caption: In summer.
New Caption: We apologize for the previous captions, which were accidentally picked up from the studio next to ours. We now return you to the program.
~~~Idle minds are dangerous.~~~
Scene: A clearing. The Sorcerer Hunters sit, eating breakfast.
Chocolate: *mouth full* mfou.
Carrot: *suddenly* And today's word is... Pamplemouse. Pamplemouse.
Scene: Random forest
Gateau: So, free right now?
Gateau: Are you doing anything RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE?
Marron: No, I... *gets pounced* WAUGH!
Scene: A fight.
Marron: *reaches into robes to pull out... an SD Gateau doll?* Huh? *throws doll at sorceror*
Marron: *reaches into robes to pull out... an SD Xelloss doll?* What?! *throws doll at sorcerer*
Marron: *reaches into robes to pull out... an SD Wufei doll?* AAH! *pulls out a pen and scribbles quickly on doll* *throws doll at sorcerer*
Sorcerer: *fizzle* *dies*
~~~More obscure references! They're fuuuunnn...~~~
Scene: a park bench. Marron sits, once again, at the left end. (HIS left!)
Gateau: *attempts to sit next to him, only to move all the way down again* Have you ever seen a moongotcha?
Marron: *wary* No...
Gateau: *points* See the moon?
Gateau: Gotcha! *grabs him*
Marron: *screams, slaps him, and sticks an ofuda to his head*
~~All good things must come to an end. Does that mean bad things go on forever?~~~
Scene: A road. The Sorcerer Hunters walk along it.
Carrot: Well, that was weird.
Chocolate: Mou! Darling, what do you want to do now? *clings*
Carrot: Eh? I--
Director: CUT! That's not IT! This is all crap! *pause* We're going to have to do the whole thing ALL over again! I hope you're satisfied.